dear blacksburg

The year ends and a new one begins.

2011-12-30T10:27:00.000-08:00

..and so on and on...and on we go. And we have kept going. And we have kept at it. Just like everyone else! Nothing has stopped us, on the contrary things have pushed us! Pushed us to see, pushed us to taste! Pushed us to try and to try again - and try harder! And in the middle of all that trying we have dug out a comfy, stimulating (and very french) little space here in our little town in France. A place we call home. A place that has warmed us, kept us together and provided us plenty: Number 1, rue rene quinton. A place we love.
It's been a "what'a YEAR!" to say the least. And this year is almost finished! 2011 is soon to be gone, I don't know if I want to kiss it goodbye and say thank you! - or throw it out the window and yell (at the top of my lungs): "goodbye suckkkkerrr..!.... who'da daddy now???! --and before I start having a dance in my chair kinda moment, I just want to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from PARIS - we move forward from here, BRING IT ON. xoxoxoxo gisa.

JM in the USA!

2011-08-31T03:13:00.000-07:00

"Dear Blacksburg"!!! Jean Marc arrived in the USA on Sunday! He was cleared by the doctors to go and work for 2 whole weeks! He left Saturday and made it to his job at Nuvotronics - in Radford, Virginia. He was welcomed by his collegues and friends!!! They are happy to have him! They welcomed him with a party and the usual craziness! He will soon make his way to Airport Acres in Blacksburg to visit our neighborhood and friends. Sashi and Simbad may recognize him??? Almost one FULL YEAR later, in the USA and with a new liver! whew! Noel sent me a picture of Jean Marc and David on skateboards,-- Romote control skateboards so Jean Marc doesn't have to push! how thoughtful!

Look! no effort!

It's been GREAT to walk with Jean Marc, to have some outings in Paris when he can, and it's been great seeing his appetite rise!

I’ve taken so many pictures and I’m going to post them all! Fontainebleau has been flooded with tourists and Paris alike! Paris in the summer has been beautiful, I've loved seeing the seasons change and finally, FINALLY feeling peaceful, not hurried, not worried, just really enjoying as much as I can, as much as we can. One whole year gone by almost. I think this time last year we were just about to leave Blacksburg ..and head to Michigan.

From Paris..

To the USA!
xoxoxoxo

Mama Lali for 3 weeks!

2011-07-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

Mama Lali is visiting! What a treat for Kenji and Keo! Patisseries, Boulangeries, and Bon Bon shops 24/7!

We spent the evening in Paris on Bastille Day watching the fireworks at the Tour Eiffel while Broadway musicals were playing throughout the park.

I took my mom and the boys to Versailles..it had been 10 years since we were here last when Kenji was 1 and Stephy -doll (little sister) was 10 herself!

Versailles!

Smiling photos, by the flowers was something I wanted to get a picture of...although they were interested in other things...

Mama Lali and Keo-nut looking so very French by park benches and iron gates.

and Kenji strolling, looking pleasantly mature :)

We saw the Tour de France on Sunday! Will be posting tomorrow!

Breath

2011-07-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Blacksburg Blog, Thank you for hanging in there with me. Thanks for not giving up on me. You kept nagging at me when I didn't write. You'd come knocking on my door when the weeks went by and I didn't write. It was like missed appointments. Hey - it was like therapy sessions. And now that "the event" is over, your still here doing your follow up work, still knocking. Why? Cause you know that even though we have been through something and seem "fine" with smile on our faces, our insides are upside down and inside out. And so follow through we must till we regain our stability inside and out. Here is a flower for you and all those that have supported us through this year. It's going to be a year soon that we left Airport Acres, Blacksburg. One year soon. Thank you to my friends and family for strength and support. For emails, blog posts and phone calls. Your little notes have made us hold on that much more.

A flower for you.

A moveable feast

2011-07-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

'If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.' ~ Ernest Hemingway

And so it will then, I say! I think Paris will always be with us.

We will feast on History..Was there really a Prince..? and if there wasn't, who thought of that wonderful street name!

Art...

Culture of the people...(and look at the symmetry of bikes and arches!)

The Cuisine..

let me try to translate this beautiful text that makes all my guilty pleasures go away.

"Macarons (those little french round cakes), cakes, etc...

yummmmmmmm

(something about) Taste Buds and Emotions..

There is no harm in doing yourself goodness.

good good and re-good..

Being " Gourmand" (loving food) is Essential..

Strawberry tartes, Caramel Eclairs and Rasberry Crumbles, chocoalate cake..

Yummmmm, another little bite..."

and more..

well, it doesn't sound as nice in English...but rest assure it's beautiful.

And as we continue to get healthier we try not to miss an opportunity to look around us at all the simple pleasure of life that pass our eyes, this moveable feast we really are in.

Smooth Sailing...

2011-06-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

These couple weeks have been a success. The waves have settled and "Ahoy! - land is in view!!! " Our little boat is coming in!
***
Jean marc is doing better. He is going longer and longer without any "serious" problems. I am still hodling my breath a lot of the time, but - feeling now that this may be it! The worst is really over. We can all relax a little.. I feel like I could sleep for the next 9 months...
Time to layout on the boat and get some sun! The rain is gone!

The boys too I think. We could all use a really long nap...or a really great HOLIDAY!!!!!!

And so we continue with our window gazing and pastry eating. I've started to run a little again, swim a little, and things have gotten their taste back. We can all actually enjoy a good dessert, a nice chocolate eclair...things are starting to have taste again, for real, not just "for written".

And my baby boys have done and excellent job of hanging on through this roller coaster. Of doing their best, of doing what they have to do. It's like I handed them both little backpacks at the beginning of this adventure, packed them with strength, love and courage and sent them on their way, sometimes alone, and through dark forests, hoping they would make good use of what they had if they needed. And they did...

and they came out like champions. With the support of one another, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

...Today Jm is walking some, cooking some, working some, and loving to be up and about again with Kenji and Keo. Papa is back, slowly. Things are still rough sometimes, some days are good, some are not. He needs lots of rest, he needs to get some weight back on, he needs to recover lots. His attitude of steel has gotten him through this, he doesn't even look back at what has happened. I guess we all don't, not yet at least..we are just trying to dust ourselves off still, and I don't know when that time will be when we all come around to looking back. All I know for sure is that it is still not yet. We are still running with our feet off the ground trying to get the hec out of where we have just been and not yet ready to talk about our experience.

- looking to the future is not a bad thing after all sometimes and going through this without the support of family & friends near and far have made everything good possible. i am so lucky.

(and i am so happy to write this post. It feels like a little story coming to end, with a good, GREAT ending.)

xoxoxo

Rue Rollin

2011-06-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

Rue Rollin in Paris!

They knew we would come! And they knew we would do well!

Ta Da!

A day out window shopping...or better..window display watching in Paris.

The stops we make to gaze and sigh at all the beautiful & delicious creations. It's usually Keo and I that stop and watch, take a picture, and dream about what it may taste like. I'm sure this is great for Keo, to just take a moment...to stop and enjoy--, food!

And for me to stop and enjoy the pretty baby strollers ..and pretty colored dresses.. and plum umbrellas..it's just too much!

And then the Bistros, and all those Chalk Boards! and I want that pen they use to write on the chalk boards. And I'm learning to write cursive just the way they do! Forget the food - look at the pretty cursive writing!

And then the Life. the people, the looks, the gestures, the chairs, the air.

Makes me feel like Life is still happening, and that after these 9 months of BLAH, CRASH and BOOMS, I am ready to jump back in the pleasures of life once again.

"And so...Jean Marc..honey..what about another baby?"

A GIRL?!!!

Keo? Kenji? little sibling? A little girl we can dress in Pink and walk around town with Plum umbrellas on the poussette? and I can wear flowing dusty pink dresses? In Paris? NY? Blacksburg?

Hello..?

(big dreamy sigh...)...maybe one day...

Paris by Kenji and Keo

2011-06-14T16:11:00.000-07:00

A day at the Tuileries Gardens taken by storm (i love this picture!)

Picture taken by Kenji :)

people.

sailing boats.

young Parisian couple.love the fashion!

We got these really great cards (keo is holding it) . You pick a card and it takes you for a full day in Paris - for kids! (you'd think this was a sweet well intended photo, but Keo is actually screaming his head off while Kenji is whispering something ultra -evil in his ear)

Paris is doing well this time of year. We are all doing better at this time in the year. Jean Marc is busy recuperating and resting (some days are on and some days are off..) and the boys are busy being boys. Why does it feel like I have not 1, 2 but 3 teenagers in the house?

JM had his 2 month post op. anniversary not long ago. He was operated on 28th March. ..

hmm. yeah, it's done. whew. --that was not fun.

Things are strange lately. Weird feeling of looking back on something and not believing what in the world just happened.... these last ...9? months. It's the first time I can kind of, just reflect without having to make myself take a large gulp and look forward. Today I look around at Kenji and Keo, Jean-marc...they are here, with me, we are together, pinch me - is it real? is it over? ...I went on a bike ride tonight with Kenji, I needed some fresh air, something was calling... I found myself riding through the forest and to the park where I walked Petunia so many years ago... I don't know how I got there, and then suddenly I was just there. It was like revisiting your past in a dream, although it wasn't a dream,I was actually back here again, -but without Petunia. I really missed her right then and there and realized I hadn't thought about her like this in a long long time. There hasn't been any room for these kinds of feelings otop everything else recently. And so, this is where it came down once again..the tears, the memories, I don't think I cried like this about Petunia since the days after her passing. And so...here we were, Kenji and I, circling around on our bikes where we use to walk together, Kenji was a baby, Petunia was in her prime. I tried to tell him stories about what it was like when she was young and beautiful, and when he was a baby, through my sniffles. after sniffles and circling around we decided this was a special place, a place we could come to and think of Petunia. A place that really felt like home, our roots. I wondered why we came here unknowingly...and like to think that Petunia was reaching out :) That she was here at the end of this long tunnel we just took. Here above us and around us saying "hey, I'm here, right where we always use to be." --Now, tonight I feel so much better, like something lifted --I also realize, reflecting on our evening, that I can make a story out of anything:) And that I could make myself cry just for fun if I wanted to. And that I can find a reason to make myself feel really really good and then plenty of reasons to make myself feel really really sad! :) And oh the fun I have! Sometimes I think I would have been a great actress. I trick myself into all sorts of feelings and personalities all the time...note to myself: this is good to know..at least I won't take myself seriously all the time from now on.

anyhow, Petunia was in the air tonight in Fontainebleau, Kenji was the sweetest thing being around me while I was teary eyed on my bike, he stopped his bike, took off his helmet and gave me a hug. He was so sweet the way he cared, the way he was patient while I had one of my "moments"..

--well im off to bed. I making myself tired with all this blubbering away talk. eh!

buenas noches!

The golden key

2011-06-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

This is our house key. Isn't it magical?

This is our neighborhood.

This is our baker.

and our town on one side.

some windows on another...

Our balcony view.

Kenji doing homework.

Keo with his real Keo face.

is he half in or is he half out?

Our garden on any given day, toys, laundry, bikes.

Kenji pretending to concentrate.

Keo's creation...what does it mean???? He doesn't even talk to girls!

Pretty Picture Post - Salade du marche!

2011-06-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

This... above... is what I need to be eating.Working at INSEAD is great, BUT - I eat so so so many croissants, tartine buerres and tartine fromages and sweet palmiers, ..day in and day out ..that I'm going to explode. Let's make a good salade from the marche for Friday? How'bout a Salade avocat, pamplemousse and crabe? ...waiter?

A bit of sugar on our moods

2011-06-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Reader, some days are better than others. I've decided to make all my days a little better than those others. It may not start off or seem like I'm trying but kindly know that WE, our whole family is trying. Trying to get back on top of things, trying to restablize ourselves and our family, back to the way they were. We do have a hold on this situation now, a strong hold, and we are serious abou it.

True...we may have (me more than we.. ) our weak moments here and there where we feel like we are flying off the handle.... and Yes these months have been tough and scary (thank you for understanding me through my difficult times)! But -eh oh! Here we are, all in one piece, managing better than ever!

And with the little bit of magic we have here in our lives in France we are doing just fine. We are back on top of this world and ready to get back to business. We are slowly finding our way back to ourselves and eachother and...it and feels sooooooo good.
--Jean Marc will be the first to testify to this. He is only 2 months out of his surgery and he can walk, sleep in his tummy some and eat pretty much whatever he wants . He is the happiest boy in the world today. You would be so proud of him.

So Yippie for all of us!

Keo the French

2011-05-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

Keo-muneco is doing amazingly well in France. He is now practically fluent in French, speaks and reads (a little) and sings constantly in French. Keo has always been a noisy little boy making sounds with his mouth, rattling away, talking nonsense, singing, telling jokes that make no sense, just plain making noise - since he was born. It drives us all crazy how noisy he can be - and now, I have the teacher telling me recently he is doing the same thing at school - making noise with his mouth but in FRENCH! She says he sings in French all the time and that he needs to learn to be a little more quiet. I find it so funny that he is now taking this noisy habit he has and doing it all over again in French. He better learn to buckle down or MaryVon isn't going to be so nice is she Keo???, French school will do him some good. It's strict but loving. And it keeps him busy and interested. Cheeky monkey Keo.

Our kitchen, the forest and JM

2011-05-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

A pretty picture post of my kitchen.

Keo in the Fontainebleau Forest sur les roches

Kenji, Liam and Kenji exploring the forest

Famous Fontainebleau Climbing

Famous Amy Climbing

JM really wanting to go the forest ..and then really needing a rest.

Tomorrow he goes to his appointment. There they will run tests to see how his liver is doing and other.

Jean Marc Up and Around!

2011-05-22T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday, JM will be out of the hospital for almost 1 week now with no problems. Yes he is on strong antibiotics but is doing really well. He sees the doctor on Tuesday in Paris to talk about his infection and how he is doing. This weekend we slept a lot, got nothing done in the house, Amy is gone and our lives have turned upside down! :) ...we need some order back and with my mood lately I am not helping this situation one bit. So - up, get on with it Gisa and get your head back on again, and stop being in such a lousy mood! I'm having enough of your moodiness, your sulking, your "head in the laundry basket" attitude.You'r not going to continue to spiral downhill are you? or are you? no you're not, you have a choice so take the good one, the right one, it is a choice after all. choose the right way out of this mess. Stop your bad habits and start some new ones. Maybe some swimming pool time? Maybe a walk in the evenings if you plan in advance? Maybe some early morning time alone? What about a good nights sleep? yes, a good nights sleep might help.Let's start a list, a list of to do's, let's be more efficient at work to get home earlier, let's take some deep breathes and be more mindful when doing whatever it is I am doing...(that seems like too much right now) what about we start with A LIST, A good nights sleep.
I talked to my mom and Allen tonight (my step dad) that helped a lot....kind understanding voices.
I'm proud of my little sister Stephanie! She got her first internship in NYC! Working for Preston Bailey Designs! Has her apartment in New York and starts Tuesday! What a little sister, way to go dolly.
And my brother Michael, news on his end as well, he is going to be a dad! A baby on the way, due in December I think. Hooray! My siblings are growing up and doing so well. Stephanie and I are 16 years apart...I remember the day she was born, I was napping on my bed and then suddenly woke, ran downstairs and got a call from Allen "you have a little sister!" Stephy-doll...growing up, making it in NYC!
And Mike, a dad! Who would have thought...but maybe this is exactly what he needs in his life, something to ground him a little...a lot!
These are good things. good news, makes me think outside of our own situation, makes me lift my head up and look and see and realize that life is happening and that even though we have to deal with this situation right now we have to be sure to look up and about at the world around us to give us some fresh views, some fresh air, to breathes some air into our little bubble right now.

This week will be better.

So today JM made a BBQ in the backyard. He got all his energy and with Kenji, grilled some merguez and chicken kabobs. He went on make a tabouli salad. I went and bought bread at the bakery (this is all I could do today) We sat in our little back yard and had our first summer BBQ. After eating everyone was so tired we all fell asleep.

I know that JM wants to get better fast, and it frustrates him that his body isn't up for all he wants to do....soon though and in time he will be better, feel better, in time.
I'm happy he is home, happy to see him up and about, it's been a rough few months with lot's of uncertainty and it makes me so happy to see JM dressed, and in front of a BBQ...like the good old days, it makes me sad to know how much pain he has been in though, and how he is now so desperately trying to get back up and on with it. ---There were some moments there that were very scary...so scary and not so long ago. I can't explain the feeling I get when I see JM home again doing something normal. I can't explain it...it's kinda like I tell myself " ...he's here, he is here and he is fine, look, there he is! it's ok., it was only a nightmare.." that kind of feeling...

I have found some new energy this Sunday evening. Let's hope it lasts me all week long.
goodnight.

check-in

2011-05-21T15:06:00.000-07:00

Dear me,
I just wrote for 20 minutes and everything got deleted. :( - doesn't that suck...all my words just GONE. ugh...and the effort it took me to even freakin get here.

Just for the record to sum everything up because now I'm tired.

- this space if for to share what i feel, good or bad.
- I write when i feel like it and if others don’t like what i write rhen they must emember that it is what I feel .
- I can't handle much more that is on plate at the moment so please (god?) don't give me anymore than this.
- I'm not feeling really great. I'm feeling inadequate and lousy. and angry a lot of the time.
- I'm happy to have my job it keeps me going. my friends at work are really sweet.
- I'm happy Amy came. Thanks Amy...miss you but happy your home with your familyxoxoxo
- Vanina is really kind...:) Thanks for inviting us over tomorrow for a goutez.xoxoxo
- I miss home but realize that we are making it here and the kids are striving.
- I'm really confused.
- I realize that Im not as strong or maybe not a great fit for this position (our situation) as someone else may be...and I have to deal with that..and JM and kids too. I just don't have the energy or wanting to be as organized....level headed....super strong as this situation calls for. I'm quite erratic and weak, hopeless and lost a lot of time. I feel sorry for my family that they don't have a mother/wife that is just able to totally take this on. I totally feel like giving up.
- I'm happy to know that above.- now i don't have to try as hard.
- I write on this blog sometimes just for me , others time to update, other times to make some "feel goods"
- I have to be careful what i write because I know this isn't private....so reminder to myself...be careful.
- I wish I could write whatever I wanted to. - maybe start a diary..
- Update on JM!!!: - JM is out of hosp and home. he feels ok but gets stomach aches often. He got a haircut in town and looks very nice. He does not have a lot of energy but is able to be up and about for a few hours.
he wants to eat EVERYTHING. Tonight I made a recipe out of the "sans sel" book, thanks Amy, and made a turkey and rice recipe. It was good...JM was the only one to add salt though...
I miss Amy, but happy she is home with her family, thanks Jim and Liam for letting us have her!
- I may stop writing on my blog because Im losing a lot of energy and ....adrenaline- . It's been a long time now and I don't feel very happy right now.
- This seems like a bumpy time now in our life, the waiting is over, the first MONTH is over, but, it is still very bumpy.- like one of those carts in a minefield...in scoobydoo..
- Ken and Vanessa from Nuvotronics in Blacksburg came to visit JM in the hospital last week! Another troop from Nuvo to see JM!
- I want to give up on this blog now. I want to write what I feel and realize I just CAN't. It's too public and it upsets people. and that makes me upset. and angry. and alone.

maybe Ill go back to my "pretty" picture posts and everything will be ok.

Allez! - off the ground.

2011-05-12T03:29:00.000-07:00

Ok. we are all fine, JM is fine, I'm fine.. I needed to get all that crap off my chest the other night. JM is doing lots better. He was tranferred to Paul Brousse where they dealt with the infection. I had him on the phone yesterday and he sounded GREAT. It was a urinary track infection that caused horrible coughing and just wiped him out. He will be home at the weekend. I will try to see him tonight.

I know, and have known that all these downs are part of the "package" of this liver transplant process. I know and expect there to be difficult times, sick times, worrysome times, spitful times. I also know that in a months time, 25 or so days from today we will be in a much better place with JM's health situation. He will be stronger and happier and less fragile. -Anyone got some really good immune system pills they recommend?

Some things I wanted to share: I wondered why I wasn't writing this past month. And now I know WHY!
It is because Amy is here and I feel connected and somewhat satisfied, close to home...no need to reach to cyberspace for some support. She is here and it has totally made a difference. I felt really close to home.
And when I came home that late night and was alone I needed to SCREAM at my blog. I couldn't just run upstairs to Amy, wake her from her sleep and be like "THIS SUCKS!!!!"

Also, this past month has been really great. JM had come home, Amy and Liam were here, I then started my long 2 week programme, it was all kind new, fun, distracting, and very busy, a page turned in this story.

Thank you for reaching out ot me, your voices are heard from this distance, near and far. I get my strength from your support, your pep talks and your ability to empathize with me. merci...

PS - Amy had a birthday yesterday!!!! In France!

no time

2011-05-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say or where to start. These last few weeks have been so crazy. JM came home for good the weekend after Easter. What an event. And then it took some time adjusting again...I don't know how to explain it. Amy and Liam were here. Liam left this morning. We are all very sad., Amy is due back to Blacksburg in about 10 days. How will I survive without her??? I've been busily working on my program that begins too early and ends very late, program ends this Friday finally. Amy has been super mom for all of us. Without her help our whole fort would have blown away.

I've been busy with no time to write, but at the same time just accepting what is happening. It's all happening so fast and then again too slow and then with it's highs and lows. I can't get a hold of it.

Jm has been home for a few weeks now. And I'd love to say it's been GREAT! --but no, it's been quite hard. He is very weak, sleeps a lot and doesn't eat much. Both Amy and i are starting to get concerned.
He felt better last week, even got the eneregy to go with Amy in the car and get out and get Keo from his class! :) - Then he was down a few days after that.

He has been doing ok..but he thinks he is better than he is. He thinks he can eat anything, do anything. Then he just collapses in bed and we don't see him.

This evening I took him to the hosp in Fontainebleau. He had a fever yesterday. Today again, doctors confirmed it was an infection. He is off to PAul Brousse again tomorrow.

I am scared, mad, and bitter right now.

I am so thankful for Amy being here. She's been amazing, totally supporting all of us, her and Liam both.
I don't really know how I'll manage when she is gone. I have to start looking for some help now. I have a number of a lady that is looking to care for kids. I told JM yesterday and again today,,if this continue I'm stopping work and we will just find a way to manage.

I'm feeling mad at my blog too. I don't know why...I'm hating the fact it even started. I hate that it tells a story and now what, I have to finish it? I have to finish this stupid little story about some things that I pretend are great and happy and then again come crying to when I feeling overwhelmed?

I told JM I was mad at the hospital and the french and everything!!! Even his family. I haven't heard from his family in 4 weeks. No one calls. The only person that calls is his dad in the South and his mom Rosa. I haven't heard from anyone else. I don't care. whatever.

I'm now sorry I got so angry at the hospital tonight. I left so angry. JM is there and now I'm here running to my stupid little blog...........!!!!!!!!!!!

Joyeuses Paques 2011!

2011-04-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter from FRANCE!

This morning started off with Kenji, Liam and Keo searching every inch of the house for mini chocolate Easter eggs as well as large ones!

They found them on top of the fridge, in the bathtub, and on the light switches!

While Jean Marc had a rest we walked into town to admire the wonderful easter window displays...

And to take advantage of the Sunday outdoor market!

Amy made her way through the crowds and Liam and Kenji headed off to the Carosael.

Chevre...yum...

so many things to look at...

to eat..

We also had the great pleasure of stopping at the bakery and visiting Ivan!

Amy and Ivan!

-----------

Jean Marc is upstairs resting. He was up and downstairs with us for the morning, then we ate a roast that Amy bought at the market...but we weren't sure what it was since as she was buying it they were taking the signs down, so she just pointed and hoped it would be good!

Later today we will go to the forest and have a "goutez" amongst the boulders and sandy ground. JM is looking forward to this, we will see how much energy he has. For now we take small walks up and down the street practiscng his breathing exercises. One step at a time.

Day 28 - Papa Comes Home for Easter!!!!

2011-04-23T07:04:00.000-07:00

What a day awaited! Today JM is sleeping in our house. He had his first peaceful night of sleep last night in our bed. Yesterday he came home...

Eagerly waiting for Jean Marc to arrive!

Here he is!!!!

Keo greeting Papa!!!

Tender Hugs from Kenji...

A few days of rest this weekend before Papa returns to Paul Brousse.

Some fresh air will be great, a change of scene, out of that hospital gown, some good food, a nice view from our bedroom window...I knew these French Windows would come in handy!!!

Almost There!!!

Day 26 and 27 - Kenji & Liam in France

2011-04-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

How do I share with you the happiness I have felt for the past two days!?
Rewind, rewind, rewind:
First - Amy and Laim arrived well and happy from Blacksburg Virginia. Their arrival was a groundbreaking event. Do you remember that afternoon so so so long ago in the Airport Acres community? That long and hard, heartbreaking day, the day that followed those weeks before, house cleaning, house packing, house selling days. The days that did indeed lead to that glorious morning when all of the sudden everything was done! The house was so sparkling clean...without your hands, your help, we would have not gotten there. Thank you, again and forever. What a crazy few weeks that was. Oh yes...and without those mojitos...:)
That morning, breakfast in the kitchen, friends around, last minute wiping down "the landlord will be here in 20 min!" And then the final pack up into the car, the goodbyes...the tears, the hugs, the flowers tied to the antennae of the minivan, Petunia all nestled in the back seat, Sashi...sitting happy and clueless, Simbad somewhere in John and \Andreas house, probably on the warm dryer. The final goodbyes.
Up the road and away we went...then, wait! wait...we see Liam. Liam hustling on his bike up the road after our car. "wait! stop the car, it's Liam!!", Kenji jumps out, Liam runs up.....- horrible hard to swallow feeling

That was gut wrenching day. A day where you feel your torn away from a life you were so happy in. A life you had to leave, you had no choice but to leave. A life there that brought so much happiness and tranquility. A life we never expected to find, friends we never expected to find, evenings we never expected to have, sunny days in the garden, wintery days out in the streets. Barefoot days. Barefoot in Blacksburg.
But this week!!!!- This week brings again some of that BlacksburgNESS! And Liam and Kenji are reunited again,,this time, maybe not around sticks, water guns and popsicles, but instead... a nice dinner and CHEESE in FRANCE!

Happy Boys, a bit more grown up..?

There is something very sweet about having Liam wake up in the morning in Kenji's bed.

Breakfast for the boys!

Amy's market shopping day went really well. All by herself and speaking French!

And Keo-"nut". Concentrating on his tennis skills while Kenji skips camp to hang out around town with Liam.
It has been an exciting week so far. I've managed to work late and not worry about the kids. Kenji has a perma smile on his face. Keo is constantly on Liams back - literally, on his back or shoulders.
and the best news of all : JM comes home for EASTER WEEKEND!
Happy Days!

Day 25

2011-04-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Blacksburg - AMY and LIAM have arrived! They arrived Wednesday morning. Just as I was searching for them on the train platform, there they were! Not a minute too late!
I only have a minute, JM is doing better. His bleeding has stopped for three days now, doctors are maybe, MAYBE letting him come home for Easter weekend!!!! (then back again..) JM is still super tired, still water in lungs but hopefully now that the bleeding has stopped JM will have more energy. His voice sounds stronger and stronger on the phone everyday.

Oh wait till I tell you about Liam and Kenji! and the pictures! And Amy! They are jet lagged but seem to be doing ok too. We are all so happy to see them. What a page turning event! And last night was THE BEST, I came home from work really late and Amy had made the most delicious Lentil Soup and bakes Apples!!!! WHooohooo!!!!!!!! This morning they slept in and we met them for lunch at INSEAD. I gave them a map and they just got on with it. Right now Amy is at home recovering from her long day out walking all over Fontainebleau, Kenji and Liam are somewhere...not sure where in Fontainebleau, they went to see a movie alone and now I am back at work, Keo is in the bath, and I will see them tonight at 9.

Tomorrow is market day for Amy :)

Will post pictures later. we are all very happy to have smiling faces and helping hands around us.

Jm may come home this weekend !!!!!

xoxoxo
gisa

Today I have been dealing with the insurance

Evening 22.

2011-04-18T14:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Blacksburg, friends and family,

We are doing well today. JM is feeling strong!

Today started off a bit slow, kids and I rolled out of bed, a little too late for work, a little too late for tennis camp, a little too late for any breakfast. Somehow we all made it to camp and work though, late, but at this point WHO CARES. Our first day in many alone as 3 in our own house in Fontainebleau. Boys were not in any mood for camp, but they had no choice, mama has to get to work, and it does them good to get some sun and exercise, of course, staying home with my boys would have been nice too, but somehow I think it does all of us some good to get up, get ready and start our day, better late than never.
I had promised JM I wouldn't call him unless he phoned me. Don't want to wake him, you never know how his night went. I try not to stress about it if I don't hear from him. So I tried my best not to worry, kept my head in my job and ...waited. JM's mom called me a few times a little nervous herself as to why she couldn't reach him. I just told her that he was probably sleeping, maybe turned off the phone..this and that. Somehow settling someones else's feelings made me feel more in control.
Kenji and Keo's tennis camp is next to INSEAD, where I work. So it really could not be any better. I park at the tennis courts, drop off my little monkeys with a hug and kiss and walk up to my office only 5 minutes away :) At lunch I get them and we picnic in the forest behind INSEAD or they eat with me at the cantine. Then an hour ...or two later...I drop them back off at camp and get back to work. The set-up is really great.
At 4 I got them again, brought them over, let them play computer for awhile, got them paper to make paper airplanes, gave them my ID so they could by goodies and they were good to go for another hour on their own. Then my colleague Virginie said "why don't you take them to the cinema tonight?!" Great idea!!! So I went and bought our tickets that they sell at work, popped them in an envelope, wrote their names on it with a smiley face and just before we left my office I handed them their gifts! They were so happy!!! What a change of pace for once! Off to the movies! We headed home, I took a quick nap, and then we headed to Fontainebleau city centre for our movie night! It was great. Really really great. We got our 3-d glasses, skipped dinner, bought popcorn and coke, watched "RIO" a fantastic movie and had a super evening. Kenji, once we sat down and the movie started said "thank you mama..."
Well, thank you Virginie for getting my head out of my head and seeing the world today a little differently. I don't know if I would have had the energy to think of getting movie tickets today...
We ended our evening quite late, walked through town a bit which was still up and lively, thought for a second we could eat out on a terrace, drinking a glass of wine...then thought how crazy that was to think that, then came to my senses and realized we all needed a good sleep.. made our way home, ate some bananas, cheese and milk and went to bed. I came back down to charge my phone and saw that JM called.

Today was a good day for him :)) He sounded strong on the phone tonight. He said he felt better. No bleeding today, his blood count is normal, no transfusions. He sees the Urologist sometime this week to get a second opinion on some things. My meeting with the doctor, Dr. Antonini may be tomorrow but I'm still waiting for a confirmation on that. I have also requested to meet with Dr. Lozeron, Dr. Adams and Dr. Samual, the doctors and professors we spent so much time talking to before his operation, I haven't seen them ONCE since the operation. So I've contacted Colette Danette - lady that coordinates all the appointments and gave her a piece of my mind today in the form of an email both and French and English and demanded an appointment with all four. I told her it's been 3 weeks. 3 weeks of stuff that should have never happened in the first place. I want to make sure that what JM has experienced is getting back to the doctors that cared "so" much about him and us in the first place. I'm starting to get angry here...let's end this post back on a good note:

So today...sunny day...movie day...JM is well...voice is strong...was happy to hear from me...Kids were happy....sunny day, smiley faces, popcorn, coke, ..talked to my mama again tonight...peaceful evening, comfy pajamas.

ok, good night.
all is well.
bisous,
gisa

Day 21 - Boys visit JM for the first time

2011-04-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

Today...
Well I'm writing this in a much better mood than an hour ago. Long drives home have a tendency to put my thoughts back in order and get a hold of myself, maybe long traffic lines arn't so bad after all.
Today we went, all together, JM's mom, sister, little Loup, Kenji, Keo and I to visit Jean Marc at Paul Brousse. Everyone waited outside in the park gardens for JM and I to come out from the hospital. At this point, Jm is walking which is great. Able to go outside, take some fresh air- get out of the awful hospital room. We brought along a picnic. When JM and I arrived, out the doors, Kenji and Keo came running towards him. JM smiled, Kenji ran up hugged his Papa, Keo came along too with a a bit of unexpected cry...

Just when I think I've felt it all. Just when I think I am soooooo strong...it hits again, out of nowhere. I swear, I've put up shields around myself to battle these emotions that come on to fast and strong, I've learnt and am still learning exactly when to put up a shield up and where,-till today again, like a really hard punch when I so least expected it. There we were all together, and Keo has to run to his papa almost in tears.In what I expected was going to be a happy "Papa!!!!" was not that at all...The minutes that followed I stood there like a stone, unable to move in order to prevent the tears from running down my face. Instead I kept thinking, just cry out of your ears Gisa if you have to! This isn't the time, right here and now!!!
Moments passed, we all found a spot on the grass, JM in a chair. I can't even remember what we talked about, what was said. I totally did not have a grip on myself, if I moved an inch I would melt into a puddle of water. I just couldn't with all my might get over the fact that I didn't see this coming, that I didn't anticipate Kenji and Keo being sad? startled? suprised..? 20 or mintues after we all went for walk together, boys jumping around the garden, off park benches, JM and I and Sandrine walking along together not saying very much.

Our visit ended, boys said goodbye on a happier note, I walked JM back up to his room.He was extremely tired.
His status: He is doing ok, not great yet. See the doctor tomorrow again. I don't want to talk about details.
Overall JM shall hopefully be getting home soon. His liver is functioning well, it's other stuff that is keeping him behind. His mood was not great, expected...I tried to be in a "mood" but couldn’t find one to be in no matter how much I searched. I totally felt defeated tonight. I offered nothing to make him feel good, if anything I probably annoyed him with my silence. We were both a bit off and sadly...distant.
After we said goodbye I met Rosa and Sandrine downstairs with kids, they asked what was wrong with me...I couldn't even answer them, I just didn't know at all what the hell I was feeling. I tried to speak but knew that would only bring me to tears. I think it had to do with the children being around. I just had no f#:@$T%! idea that I would feel this way. An afternoon that I thought would be a bit of a "celebration" was anything but. I should have known that seeing JM with kids + emotions could trigger a volcanoe of feelings. Maybe it's just also that my boys understand a thing or two now...that they really comprehend the situation, papa leaving, mama visiting. They are not babies anymore really..

Drive home was tough, ..no chocolate bunnies in reach... Rosa and Sandrine were headed back to Bretigny (rosa's house) for the week. Amy and Liam arrive Wednesday. I think it was apparent I was in no shape to drive so we all stopped at a restaurant for dinner. Eating and being together made something better. Felt stronger after that. Said goodbye to Rosa, thanked Sandrine for all her help this past week and we went our separate ways.
Driving into Fontainebleau I was able to gather my thoughts, pull myself together again. I kept asking myself if there was a difference in being strong and being confident. Rosa told me before I got in the car that I needed to get my confidence back. I didn't know I lost it, I thought I was being confident, but no, I was just trying to be strong. Will my strength lead me to being confident? Can I have confidence in this situation without any strength? Do these go together? I feel strong right now sitting here, but I'm not sure if I'm feeling confident. I'm feeling weak.

One phrase that always bring me back to the middle is what Andrea, my neighbor in Blacksburg has always told me..."this too shall pass" So with that: "these feeling too will pass" I know that this wave of emotion will go, that tomorrow will be a new day, that I will feel strong and confident again tomorrow, that I can better prepare myself for situations - or not, but at least know that we can't be prepared for everything and that in time these feelings will pass, that I won't always feel this way. Things will get better very soon. This is the toughest part, really in deep, got to keep swimming, take a deep breath and go.

goodnight, I miss my mama… I'm going to call her, nite...

Day 20

2011-04-16T05:49:00.000-07:00

Sandrine took Rosa to visit JM today. I'm staying home with Keo, Kenji and Loup. Had JM on the phone this morning. He slept really well. He sounded much better. Now that he has some more energy he needs to get out bed and walk. Lily says he needs to take deep breathes, hold them in, let them out. I'll get a full report with Sandrine comes back. His 3-D scan is scheduled for this afternoon. Fingers Crossed!

The dreaded traffic space. Made it through yesterday with no problem though...why..?

Secret Weapons!
-Dark Chocolate Bunny and French Love Songs -.
(an attitude of steel and your thoughts got me through this parisian mess last night)

Morning in Fontainebleau, Sandrine kept kids yesterday.

Home. Waiting for Jean Marc, so we can go on long walks in the forest, the parks, fresh air awaits him.

Evening 19

2011-04-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

Have come back from my visit with Jean-Marc.
JM has water in his lungs and stomach. They did an ultrasound today. Tomorrow he has a 3-D scan to give more information.

It is typical to have some water in lungs after an operation like this. Water usually goes away after operation with walking and sitting up. Unfortunately JM has been laying in bed for the last 15 days due to the second operation and problem on Sunday night. His feet are a swollen too. This is all due to water. He needs to walk more. We went on a walk today for about 15 minutes downstairs. He walks well. His voice is very weak but his was able to walk well. I told him to stand up straighter, to breath deeper. This will hopefully get the water out faster, with more walking and moving about..

JM is not a good mood. He was very down. His eyes didn't even look up... I told it was going to get better, that if this is all it is then be it, that from here on out it was going to get better. That with him now being a bit more rested he could move around more and get that water out. That from here on out it was time to move forward, day by day. Don't give up now. Don't let this get you down.

Tonight he takes a sleeping pill to get him through the night with no interruptions. H will walk again in the morning, then again at noon and again in the evening. I will see him around 1pm, get his second walk in. No visitors before 1pm. This sleeping pill will get him the rest he desperately needs to give him the energy to walk in the morning.

There was no room, there is no room to feel upset or cry. There is not one bone in my body that feels upset or sad. My body tells me this is not the time to give up or let go , lash out. This is the time for conserving energy for this weekend and keeping our thoughts positive.

I'll see JM tomorrow, will have more news about the scan and move forward.

Get the water out of lungs and stomach.

JM, don't give up now, I know it's hard my bumby, but not now. I know your feeling low, defeated, get back up and march on, we will get through this my love.

Chin Still UP! Day 19.

2011-04-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

Today I leave work early and visit JM. Will bring him his favorite French Biscuits. Sandrine is staying in Fontainebleau with Loup, Kenji and Keo. I will return this evening and sleep in my bed again :)))
I love my bed and tall French windows that go with it :))) Talked to JM this morning and he seemed well. Tired and sleepy but well. A nights sleep with lots of interruptions but overall a successful night with no problems. 2 more hours and I leave to visit him!
Here are pictures from last Saturday and Sunday. - before our not so fun week. But that week is almost over!!! And the weekend it is and JM will be coming home soon and Amy and Liam (Kenji's friend) will arrive on Wednesday and soon we will have everyone home at # 1 Rue Rene Quinton, Fontainebleau!

"Tata" (auntie) Sandrine with Les Enfants

Kenji and his books. Lately it's one book after the other after the other, no stopping him. He is here, but almost not here... his head in his books all the time...

Rosa practicing her Voyant skills, under a tree, near a river running.

My Bayba, Keo Muneco and his Mama.

It's a good day today. Thank you for your kind emails, Facebook messages, blog posts, it really lifts me back off the ground when I need it most.

Take good care of yourselves and your loved ones..

Off to see my love!

Chin-Up! - New Day 18!

2011-04-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

That's right, a new day. Chin- up, dust your knees and give Thanks. Thanks to all the wonderful people and things in our lives. Thanks that my honey Jean Marc is doing an amazing job of keeping himself strong and that his vitality is shinning through. I love him SO much! Tuesday when we met the doctor, Dr. Antonini, she told me that with all the patients she has ever seen, JM stands out as one that is not to be fooled with. That when he says something hurts, it hurts. She says it's a pleasure to talk to him, that he gives honest and intelligent information and that he doesn't "shwine" - or whine. He is not a "Shwiner" no cry baby. And that is why when the nurse kept telling the doctor she did her job "right" The doctor told her " no, you did your job wrong, and that is what JM says too" Dr. Antonini is pretty impressed by JM. And I want to tell you too that for the first time, yesterday, I sat there listening to him talk, listening to him and all his ideas, and boy, did I miss him so much at that moment, it was just this little glimpse of what I live everyday with him, this little piece of joy and admiration. I know exactly why I love my husband. I miss him so much. I miss him so so much.

Chin up Bumby! I know you're reading this!

Day 13,14,15,16 and 17.

2011-04-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what to write, I'm writing because I told myself long ago I would, when times were good and when times got tough, knowing that the water would get a little high every now and again. I don't feel like writing.
An update: JM is doing better. It has been a very long and tiring week. His episode on Sunday made him very weak and all of us worried. You never really realize how serious things are or what really happened till later...I had my appointment with the doctor on Tuesday. She said it was the fault of the nurse as to why JM had to have a blood transfusion on Sunday night. I don't want to get into the details. All in all I was just really angry. Angry that no one called me to tell me this happened, angry that I had to find out from JM over the phone this happened and angry and incredibly hopeless and upset that his voice was so weak over the phone. He was angry, yet he had no energy to speak.
Today, Wednesday night everything is better. We discussed with the doctors yesterday about what happened. She assumes responsibility for the nurse doing her job wrong. And all she really has to say is that in medicine, some times these things happen...His overall status...liver, is working really well, no infections and he is getting his energy back slowly. I brought Rosa with me yesterday to talk to the doctor and see JM. Dr. Antonini reassured us that they were doing the best they could...she was very honest. She says some nurses are better trained than others, that the nurses rotate, some on are vacation, that she had 30 other patients to look after...this and that...(angry!!!)

Today: JM looked better, he can eat almost anything now, it's time to put some of that weight back on.
His voice is strong again over the phone. He is having family visit once a day.

We are staying at Rosa's house. Sandrine is here with Loup. From tomorrow we will move back to Fontainebleau. I am looking forward to my bed and a good nights sleep again. I have been visiting JM in the evenings, coming to Rosa's at for the night, leaving for Fontainebleau for work in the morning. It's all coming down on me, the fatigue, the stress, the worries. It's too much at times and I have no place to really let it out. Not with JM, not at Rosa's, not with the kids, so traffic it is. I feel like I'm in a tumble dryer.
I know things will let up. JM is doing better and he will continue to get better from here on out.

Tomorrow his brother Brice visits him. They haven't seen each other in a long time.

Kenji and Keo are holding up too but miss Papa and now with all this to and fro and me leaving for work and all they seem a little off too...

I'm going to have to revisit our situation a week from now and see if changes need to be made.

Great News: Amy from Blacksburg is coming to stay and help for one month! And ...she is bringing Liam!They arrive the 20th. This is something to definitly look forward too!!!

This week will be over soon and behind us. keep plugging through, keep plugging through...get through this rough patch. After all we have been through we are not going to let this week get us down, nope, get back up and keep plugging through. Things are fine. Things are just fine.

Day 11 & 12 - Recovery and Rest

2011-04-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

A long week. JM has been doing his best to recover from his 2nd surgery in 10 days. One surgery is enough to knock you down, two is a lot. Like posted earlier, JM had to be brought back down on the "block" Turned out his muscles were pushing out..along with other things. It was urgent and he went down right away. Next day he had a fever and white blood cells were at an extreme high and very dangerous. He was put on antibiotics to fight off the infection. Doctors searched everywhere to see where the infection was coming from. It was determined that infection was coming from the second surgery, a germ entered the body and spread. Doctors attacked the germ and now JM is recovering again. Good news is that infection was not in the lungs or anywhere else. Bad thing is he is now down again big time. (No pictures of JM this week. You'll have to wait till next week to get a look at my handsome frenchmen)

He came out of his first surgery in great shape. This time around his body has had a lot to take on with general anesthesia and infection. He is fighting hard to recover well. You never really know why something happened till days later, so at the moment we are still coming around to finding answers. My appointment with the surgeon was cancelled yesterday and postponed till Tuesday of next week. They say only then they will be able to give me a better update on his "Bilans" on how everything is working out, his stability.

Looks like his Liver is working like magic though. All is well. It more has to do with keeping JM germ free and healthy, strong and on a road to recovery. No more infections!!!!

We are trying to keep spirits high but to tell you the truth, it is very difficult sometimes. I'm glad I'm working, I don't have a moment to be bored or think too much. And when home I have the kids so I have to be strong. It's only the drive to the hospital that got me sad, scared, worried. Too much time in traffic doing nothing and you start to think too much. But once I arrived at the hospital it was great to see JM. Yes he is super tired, weak and upset this happened this week...but we have to keep going strong and keep being thankful it was only that and nothing else. So far this is going well. We are hanging tough.

Paul- Brouse hospital has done more than 2500 liver translpants!

Good thing!

Late night picture of the hospital on my way out last night.

Kenji or Keo must have taken this picture today at the park. Pretty picture. Could talk about life with the picture- don't get me started. ---I really like this picture the more I look at it.

Rosa is staying with us for a few days as she would like to be present for us. Sandrine is also here with little cousin Loup (Lou). Kenji is being strong, but I can see he is worried. Doesn't say much but holds my hand very tight at night when I'm putting him to bed. I told him things will be fine, that Papa will come home soon, that I love him, ...that we will go look for the last Harry Potter book together in Paris this weekend...that got his spirits high!

So to end this long and worrisome week, a THUMBS UP. All will be great from here on.

PROMISE!

If you would like to send JM and email Please Do:

jm.rollin@gmail.com

He will be checking his email shortly!!! Send him a note!

Day 8, 9 & 10 - A hiccup - but not to worry.

2011-04-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

These past three days have been a little tough. Everything was going well till Monday. JM moving about in his bed and starting to eat some yogurt etc. Then Monday I went to see him again and all was fine until the nurses had a look at his stitches, wound. Something didn't look right and they called a few surgeons. It was agreed that JM was to be operated again and that it was urgent. I had a quick word with the surgeon before he took JM down to find out exactly what was going on. He said that due to JM's coughing and the fact that the amyloid illness makes his muscles weak on his stomach, some of the stitches, staples were coming undone. There was too much pressure from the muscles pushing out. Not a good thing.
So they rushed him down to the "Block" again and off he went. Before going in he gave be BACK his ring which we just put back on a day earlier. Doctors said surgery was only to last a few hours. They said to go home and call in the morning.
This time I was alone, it was late and I just had to walk myself back out the hospital and go to Rosas where the kids were waiting for me. Once I got there everyone was asleep so I went to bed and decided that I'd get the kids up early in the morning and head to Fontainebleau. I decided not to call the hospital till the kids got to school. So we packed up in the car early in PAris and headed out. Only this time....I went the wrong way and about 15 min. into my drive I realized I was heading towards the hospital and not home!!! So we all missed the morning of school and work. We finally made it and then I called the hospital. Nurses said he was doing well. He'd be back in his normal room by the afternoon. Surgery went well.
It was a long few days. Today JM is back in his room, and resting. Tomorrow, Thursday I have my first meeting with the surgeon to express my concerns and talk about what happened and why.
In the middle of this I lost my phone again. I only found it when Keo called me from the bathroom to scream "Mama....I think I'm peeing on your phone!" ---and there it was, my phone AGAIN in the toilet.
Tuesday night Sandrine, JM"s sister came to stay with me, she arrived at 6pm, when she got in I just told her I needed sleep and off I went for a long nap till 10. I got up to find she made dinner and put the kids in bed. really nice. I took a shower and went back to bed. This morning I talked to JM again and he went on and on about a new Iphone application he wants to invent for the iphone....his mind was spinning! Won't tell you what he great idea is but it's a great one! Has to do with a healthy way of life!
Today Sandrine is with the boys since there is no school. I'm off work in a little while and am happy I got good nights sleep last night.

Here are some pics:

Eiffel Tower in the distance. Horray for us and everyone!

Going in again.. but it's ok!

Sunset in the distance to keep our spirits high

A little smile for everyone.

Wash your hands everyone!

Day 6 and 7... - 10pms..

2011-04-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Saturday I visited JM at the hospital. They moved him to the 4th floor - He is out of Intensive Care!
He looked great. He was able to move his back, his legs. He was awake and alert this time :)))) Now these coming weeks are very important. JM will being going through a battery of exams to see if the liver he has been given is functioning well and that his other organs are also adapting to this change. This is also a very fragile week in terms of his immune system, which is very weak right now. He needs to make sure he doesn't get sick or catch a bug. I talked to the doctor about this, my concern with his family having a lung infection and they are doing their best to keep a close watch and also run his lungs through exams every day. He has to blow into this machine often, he has x-rays done and other tests. I really let the doctor know my worries, but all she could say was that there was not much they could do if he catches something, that what his family caught was a virus in the air and they can only do their best to prevent that does not happen to JM. So with that, I grabbed a box of face masks from the hallway closet and placed them by his bed. I told him he has to wear one when the nurses come and that he has to make sure visitors(who start visiting next week Saturday) wear one at all times. So I sat there with my mask, JM sat there with his mask and then after 5 minutes he pulled it under his nose saying it was too hot. I told him if I could do it he could do it.
Today he called me from his room! The first thing I thought was GERMS!- He has a phone number that he can phone on. Again while visiting I thought the hospital room was not very super clean....but the doctor reassured me it was, but I just kept feeling like germs were everywhere. Doctor told me again it's not from the germs in the room that can get him sick, it's the air born viruses. --mask, mask, JM wear your mask! I stayed with him awhile, took some pictures of the view out his window, you can see the Eiffel Tower in the distance, very very long distance away, but you can see it! It could have been on the other side of the building, but there it was!

Funny Story:
So JM is on a floor with other liver transplant patients. The night we were called in, two other people went through the same operation. These people are now on the same floor with JM. Before and during the operation taking place I often thought about why people get their liver transplanted. More often than not it is because they are alcoholics. JM is one here at Paul Brousse that is not an alcoholic...and let me tell you how I know that:
The other night..... Jm said he was sleeping peacefully when all of the sudden he was awaken by a loud voice just outside his door in the hallway! It was the patient next door who woke up, tore the wires off his body, got himself (with his new liver just being transplanted) out of bed and came screaming into the hallway demanding a bottle of rum! Then another, soon after did the demanding cigarettes and wine!!! JM just lay there, pulled the covers under his sweet little nose and was like "where in the world am I!" The screaming and yelling went on and on, these patients demanding beer and wine and cigarettes, yelling at the nurses, saying they were leaving! ....JM thought he was in an insane asylum. Can you believe this? Just a few days after being transplanted these guys are up and could care less if their liver falls out right then and there! And do you want to know what is worse? Do you really want to know what is worse than the worse??????
The worse is that my poor honeys liver...is probably inside one of these people! It's the truth!
JM's liver is really not that bad or ill. It's not an ill liver. All it does is that it produces this protein that settles on your nerves. The time it takes for the protein to kick in and for the liver to start producing the protein is 35 years. So, doctors give Amyloid patients livers to other elderly patients in need. These patients will never develop the illness, by the time they do if they do they will be 100! Can you get over that? I couldn't. When JM calls to tell me the crazies are up and running again I think of his sweet little french/American influenced liver stuck in someones body thinking "get me the hec out of here!" ---Another thought: So who's liver does JM have...? That's another question I have which I won't think about since it is probably a sad story. All I really like to think about is how Collette Dannette, the coordinator, the lady who called me at 3am sunday night, said it was a "very beautiful liver....a beautiful liver the color of a light wine, a rose colored liver, nice and plump...tres tres beau." It was really a special moment for me when she went on and on about how nice the liver was at 4 in the morning. I asked her if she had actually seen it and she said "of course! that is how I know" Oui Oui!

Well the best news is is that JM is doing fine. He has made it through his first week very well. Now to see how the exams go this coming week. How are his organs responding to this new member?-- Teamwork everyone! TeamWork! I don't want to have get in there and give a pep talk but I will if I have too!

Day 5

2011-04-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

It's Friday. Almost one week since the call. One very long day since Sunday. Rosa and JM's sister are with me tonight in Fontainebleau. I was not able to see JM today. The doctors told me he needed rest. I called and left a long teary message with the nurse. They said I can come tomorrow at 1pm. They say he is doing better. Today I called the doctor coordinator Collette Danette from Paul Brousse. I explained to her that I was concerned about JM getting an infection. His aunt got one, his uncle got one and it's not a good thing. I told them before the operation that I was concerned about this lung infection and why his family contracts it and how we can make sure we prevent JM from getting it. She said the doctor will call me Monday and that JM will be on special survaillence. I really really want the doctors to take this issue with his family and lung infections seriously. ...I don't want to think he will get it,.. I just want to make sure someone is aware of this. I'll see tomorrow if I can talk to a doctor about it.
The kids are busy with their little cousin Loup. Rosa is happy to be here among the kids and Sandrine and I, although she can't tolerate noise very much. She is very tired and weak this evening. I hope she is keeping her spirits high and that it is not getting to her too much...I try to keep positive for both her and I..she worries I'll crack and she feels like she is here to care for me. I think she thinks I may be lonely...but right now I need all the rest I can get. I need a long needed nap. The kids will be occupied with Loup so that will leave some time for rest.
Im going to bed. nite.

Day 4 - 10:30pm

2011-03-31T14:04:00.000-07:00

I saw JM today again:)))!!! and he was doing much much better. Yesterday - yucky. Today lots better. Reflecting on yesterday, I was so excited to see him going strong, he had a great first day out of surgery, but he was not doing so well yesterday. I can talk about that now since that was yesterday and today is today! So yesterday he was not well. He is being given morphine and that makes him sleepy and a bit sick. His back hurt and he could hardly keep his eyes open. I kept talking to him over the intercom..but his ears fell silent on me. Every once in awhile he would look at me and then doze off. I ended up leaving and without really saying goodbye. It was not really fun or uplifting. It's expected though....he is doing great so far. I guess he had been like that all day since Tina his aunt also said the same thing. There are no doctors to really talk to at this time. See if you can imagine what the set up is like: One very long hallway that makes an oval all the way around, lined with glass. each chamber is marked with a number, there are 20 maybe all together. Visitors are allowed to circle the hallway till the find the room number they are looking for. In my case 9. There is a chair waiting for a visitor but since the windows are kinda high you end up standing up and pulling on the intercome phone piece that is stuck on every window pane wall..The glass reflects so you can't really see in unless you stand with your hand over your eyes. Inside the rooms you have your loved one! He talks and you can here him. It's very faint though. Nurses have a hallway down the middle of this oval to access both sides. Sometimes when I can't get their attention from the window (and that happens way too often) I go to the double doors that enter the middle hallway for nurses and doctors only and I say something like "oh...sorry...I thought this was the bathroom, - um can you please lift the blinds so I can see my husband please?" It helps to have an American accent as then you look twice as lost.
So today, I got the kids at 6 and we headed to Paris to the hospital. Kids are not allowed to come yet, but they did not want to stay home with the babysitter and they really really wanted to come. So we drove there, parked, Keo fell asleep which was great and Kenji read. The boys stayed downstairs entertaining themselves while I hurried up to see JM. Before I ran to his chamber I used the bathroom...bad idea. Well I figured better use it now than when I'm talking to him, so I did and in my hurried mess I ended up dropping the phone in the toilet. The Hospital Toilet! what can be worse? I gasped, looked at my phone laying there and for a split second felt like shouting out for Help!I then realize no one can help me is this situation except myself so I swooped down and pulled it out, ran it under water for .5 of a second realizing that was also a bad idea, wrapped it in paper towels and left it in the sink just watching it. Then I grabbed soap and scrubbed the sides. Then much later I realized I should have probably just taken the battery out instead of scrubbing it with soap! I then had this very parallel thought : The feeling I had when my phone dropped in the toilet is the EXACT same feeling I had Sunday at 3am! The same Help, what now? feeling. And in a split second you realize you just have to move move move! and that is exactly how it happened on sunday night at 3am. we got the call, you take a big gulp and you MOVE FAST. no time for thinking, just move. My phone fell in the toilet and I just had to move before it was too late! Once my phone was wrapped in towels and scrubbed down, I stuck it back in my back pocket, thought how disgusting this was that just happened and realized why I was here at the hospital. Not to cry over my phone....but to see my husband, so forget about the stupid phone and get on with it. And that is again the SAME feeling I had after the call , in the ambulance, that morning - Just forget about the call, forget about the mess and move forward and remember WHY YOU ARE HERE and WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

I can say today was a great visit with JM! He spoke, he moved, he smiled, we talked about the kids, the day, my job, all sorts. Well he pretty much just listened, I talked. His eyes were open, I told him again everyone was rooting for him. After 20 min he got a bit sick again from the morphine and told me I should go. I told him about my phone (20 minutes later) and that's when he said in a faint voice.."take the batteries out"
Seriously - I would be lost without my Jean Marc xoxoxo

all good for today.

Weekend coming up, Sandrine, JM's sisiter is coming to stay with Rosa and we will all get together and visit JM Saturday. Kenji and Keo are excited to see their little cousin Loup again. It'll be great to have some more support. I need a massive nap.
goodnight.

ps- I came home tonight to find my very good friend Vanina had come by while I was gone. She dropped us off a little gift. It was a Macaron box filled with probably 18 different flavored Macorons! It came from the best sweet shop in town. It was such a treat to come home to such sweetness after a long day. Thank you my Corsican friend. xoxoxo

Day 3. 10pm - Long day

2011-03-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

Today I went to work in the morning. Kids stayed with babysitter till 12 (they don't have school on Wednesdays) I picked them at 12:30 went to drop them of at Rosa's house near Paris. Went to visit JM at Paul Brousse hospital. I managed to get there all by myself. Crazy Parisian drivers, crazy roadways and signs. I don't think I have ever driven to Paris. I got there just in the nick of time as there was so much traffic this time around that they almost didn't let me in to see him from the window. He had the blinds down so I picked up the intercome and kinda whispered to him to see if he could here me "jean maaarrrrcccc...". Then I got a nurse who went in the room and lifted the blinds. There he was sleeping like a baby. He woke, he tried to open is eyes...he was very tired. He tried to wave but today he just didn't have the energy. He turned his head a bit as to rest it on the pillow, eyes open, small smile. I told him about my day, about the kids, about the drive, left the part out about my flat tire, about the bank, about this and that, how everyone was thinking of him in the US, in France and England and even in Peru!I told him we were all cheering for him. That I was writing about him, that i was taking pictures of him etc...He just lay his head there and then his eyes got kinda watery and shinny. He didn't have a lot of strength today but it's normal I know. Yesterday he had strength, today the drugs are wearing on him, his back hurts too and he probably just wants to get the hec out of there. Knowing him he's had enough already.

This has been a long week, started Sunday night at 3am. I'm still really tired, It's been like one long day this week.I'm keeping tabs on my emotions, and I see that I have been doing pretty good emotionally, actually great. I mean we attacked this phone call and our plan went into action. I guess now I'm like "ok...so...that went well...I'm really happy but...can JM come home now?" I guess I didn't anticipate these first few days and how they may be...or maybe even the weeks to come. I guess this may be a good time to do more research on what to expect these next weeks. Yes I am SO happy everything went amazing, I'm just a little worried that I'm feeling lonely so soon!!!! and that I don't like to see JM in this condition one bit! I feel like, "hey, com'on new liver in, out with the old, let's get on with it" I know this is far from true, I think I've just been on a high with little sleep and now I may be coming down, and today wasn't as great as yesterday, maybe it was cause I was alone...maybe it was because Jm was a little sad.

Good news is JM's sister comes this weekend to stay with Rosa so we will plan a huge family visit to the hospital. His aunts, cousins, everyone. I'm going to print pictures out and stick them on the window where I stand so he can turn his head when we are not there and see me and the kids. If you have one you wanna send please do! Hope no one at the hospital will have a problem with this. I can't imagine someone taking down a picture of a family and friends. I'll print out like 30 of the same and bring one every time I come just in case. After my visit I went downstairs and got a sandwich, awful American style tuna sandwich, just awful. Then I glanced through magazines while waiting, but you know, in france you can't do that...the lady kept staring me down like "you gonna buy that or what, put it down or else.." My mood was so sour I just ignored her and kept reading it and thought to myself if she asks me anything I'm just going to say " what? you wanna a piece of me,,com'on put'em up!!"

I finally left, drove back to Rosa's, had tea time with her, got the kids and went home to Fontainebleau. On the way home Kenji got this super huge hunger craving I almost had to stop the car on the highway because he was so hungry and wouldn't stop screaming at Keo. It's crazy...lately when Kenji get's hungry he turns into this hungry monster and I don't even recognize him! I quickly pulled into a french Chinese take out and got stuff to go, gave it to him in the back seat and he just chowed down big time...then he fell asleep. Sheesh! keo and I just looked at each other like "what the?"

long day...I'm going to bed. First I'll call the hospital, then Im going to bed. sleep tight..sweet dreams.

Day 2 - First full day after surgery. It's 11:15pm

2011-03-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

What can I say here....he is my honey, my sweetheart, my strong husband. He kept it going, he held on tight and here he is BACK! All this waiting and now it's done and over and look at him!!!

This is his mama Rosa. I picked her up today and we went. Visiting hours are between 14hr-15hr, She is happy to see him, she is happy to see me going strong too. That's her baby too.

This is where he will be for awhile. Doctors say he will be in Intensive Care for a week or so. We visit him behind the glass, we talk to him through the intercome. He is doing excellent. Nurses say he was "untubed" earlier than most patients. He is breathing on his own now. He woke up earlier than most patients too! He just wants to get out of there :) come home, be with us, continue life. get on with it, put this behind us.

The kids asked about where he was again, Keo did. Kenji asked how long he will be gone. I explained to the surgery again and how papa will be gone for a month. That we can visit him all starting next week. And so it happens that tonight out of all nights Kenji asks for a an email account, a Facebook account, an Ipod Touch, a bike. Where and why? and I felt like calling Jm and telling him, asking him his advice, this is something you talk about as parents...so tomorrow I will tell him. I will ask him what he thinks about that. I guess it's ok. Kenji wants to communicate with the world, you could be his facebook friend! really???Kenji on Facebook? no!!!! my baby! next thing is Keo will ask for a facebook account too!!!

I'm off to bed. Today was long. I need some serious sleep. Will post again tomorrow!!!

11:10pm..way too tired to sleep - or spell.

2011-03-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

Why do I write on this blog.. I feel it's a lifeline for me sometimes. i need to sleep, I can't, how can I sleep when JM is awake? How can I sleep when he just woke up and he is coming around to his successful operation? How????? I need to sleep. I need to close my eyes, they hurt so bad right now.

I'm back on my high though :) JM made it through! Hooray!!!! Hooray for my honey bumby, my love, love of my life, met you 13 years ago! love at first sight, and you knew the whole time we would be married one day. I'm here my love, I'm here with you, waiting till tomorrow to see you.

goodnight my love.

10:15pm- Update from Intensive Care...missing JM already

2011-03-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

I know this was coming, I'm so tired, I felt it earlier, like I'm heading for somewhere way to fast, or I was way to high. I've been in a great mood all day long, I've been strong for the boys,and now, now that they are asleep I feel a bit lonlier, missing JM, waiting for him to wake up. I just called the intensive care unit. They said he has all these tubes in but they will take them out in just a few minutes, that he is awake. awake!!! and that he is consious and can understand what is going on around him. I didn't expect that news. When she told me that I cracked....I should be there with him to reassure him, to let him know that he is ok, that we are ok, that he did it and that even though he is in pain now he will be better soon. I don't like it he is alone, I don't like it he doesn't know anyone, I know he must be scared. I miss him so much right now. Im so tired right now. I want to talk to him.
The lady I had on the phone will pass him the message that I called, I told her to tell him that I love him, that the kids are in bed, that we are ok. She will give him the message now. I just can't believe he is awake!!! I can't also believe that I'm not allowed to be there. She says to call in the morning that they will put a phone near his bed and they will hold it up to his ears. I can visit tomorrow from 2-3. I can't wait!!!!
I'm so tired right now. I have to go to bed but I'm going to call again at midnight. The lady said he did excellent, his blood pressure is great, and that he is for the moment doing very very well. He is in a large glass box for infection purposes, and he will be in this glass box for a few days. When I go tomorrow it will only be to see him through the glass, but that is great. And yes I am happy this is happening, I'm just trying to get it all over the fastest possible. Come on JM, come on, keep going, keep getting better my love...

7pm -off the "block" in Intensive Care

2011-03-28T11:11:00.000-07:00

JM is now in intensive care. He is done with the operation. He did an amazing job!!! The lady that calls me Katrine told me he was strong, his blood pressure stayed steady. She also told me again what a "good looking" liver he is getting. She told me that this morning at 4am and she told me that again, told me it was pink, that it was tres tres beau (very very beautiful). So now he is out of or off the block as they call it and in intensive care. He will come around at midnight french time, 7pm US. I can call and see how he is in one hour. They say he will be sleeping but that I can get an update. I can call again at 1am and see if he is awake, but I can't talk to him. Tomorrow I drop the kids at school and head to Rosas to pick her up, we will go and change my tire which is FLAT....and then go see JM between 14hr and 15hr. Then I will make it back to Fontainebleau on time to get the boys. Today I picked them up from school, had our goutez...they asked where papa was...I told them , with a really calm and but happy news face that Papa got the call and that he is in surgery :) then I said "isn't that great news!?" they just looked at me and said..."so....do we get to go back to Blacksburg now?"
I think it helped that I was "happy" this day has come finally. We then left for the park and just got back, it's 8pm.
Thank you for your red candles. THank you for your thoughts. I feel strong, I know JM wants me to be strong. I know he doesn't want me crying or sad, SO Im not one bit. I am just feeling excited to have this day come and be over and get on the road to recovery. I told Ivan le Pape our situation today..for the first time and he was so sweet and concerned. Then before we left with our baguette he gave me a quiche!
I will write more later tonight. So far so good, JM is resting, he has a new liver! He is fine, he is going to be GREAT!

Half way through

2011-03-28T05:34:00.000-07:00

It's 2:30pm here in France. Paul Brousse just phoned. I wasn't expecting a call till 7 this evening. The lady I had on the phone is the same lady I saw this morning at 4am. She called to tell me JM is doing GREAT. She says they are half way through with the operation, that JM's liver has been replaced. That now they are ..hmm, how do I say this in English..? they are making sure his veins and arteries are in place with the new liver. She kept saying all was well, that he was doing great. I am so happy. I feel so far from him here, but he is sleeping right now, fighting to..or maybe better..working with the new organ and getting ready to wake up soon. I will get a call again at 4pm to hear more news. I will get the kids in a couple hours, take them home, talk to them.

Jm's family has been great. They have been very supportive, they call, they want to know if they can come stay with me. Tonight I just need to be with the kids though. I need to come home and be calm with them. I need to be there for them and ready to answer all their questions.

xoxo
gisa

Candles for JM - he is in surgery

2011-03-28T01:47:00.000-07:00

Dear someone, everyone,

It is now 10:30am French time. Today we got the call from the hospital at 3am our time, 10pm US time. We were sleeping, phone rang :
"Hello, Madam Rollin?
"yes?"
"...It's time.."

-yup, that is pretty much what the conversation went like. I think I said something like "what? what now?" and she said something like "...come! now!" We then called an ambulance, we called our on call babysitter Laura, she came in 20 min. We called JM's aunt Tina to ask her to meet us there... Kenji and Keo were sound asleep, Jm kisses them, we leave. We got to the hospital 40 min. later - no traffic on the way to Paris which was great.
So that "not-knowing-when-the-call-will-come" part is OVER. I had all my scenerious set up and ready for take off. And this is how it happens. good. it worked out. We stayed with JM for a few hours while they prepped him. His aunt knew the nurses as she herself had a liver transplant 10 year ago! So everyone was exchanging kisses...
JM was great, funny, sometimes serious, but mostly funny. We hung around and then it was time for him to go off. They said he had to take all his jewlery off, so he gave me his ring. -SAD moment-. JM has always been very adament about never ever ever taking his ring off. He hasn't taken his ring off in 11 years of marriage, ever. So this was quite a moment. Now his ring sits next to my ring on my middle finger. They wheeled JM through the operation door, he waved, I filmed him a bit on my camera, and we said goodbye.
Tina drove me home to Fontainebleau, I arrived at my door at 7:30am, got in, walked upstairs, woke the kids up, got them dressed, had our breakfast and off to school they went. They didn't ask about JM as they thought he was sleeping. Luckily Keo didn't ask to kiss Papa this morning as he does almost every morning...
I went back home and now I am at work. I will leave at 4:15 to get he boys at 4:30. I will then take them home, tell them papa went in for his operation and deal with that. We will have dinner and we will be together. Then I will get a phone call tonight at 7 or 8pm to tell me JM is out of operation and that everything went well. They will then tell me that he won't be consious till midnight and they will tell me to come tomorrow. I will take the day off tomorrow to visit JM while the kids are in school.
Right now all is fine. I'm fine, JM is in surgery. I talked to him mom, she is fine. I talked to my mom, she is fine. Everyone is doing ok.
I will write more tonight after the call.
xoxoxo
gisa

3am -call from Hospital. --JM.

2011-03-27T18:16:00.000-07:00

Dear everyone,

JM got the call just now. We are on our way to Paul Brousse hospital in Paris. Please pray for us, please keep JM in your thoughts today. His operation will take place as soon as we arrive.

gisa

Cheese #1 - Chaussee aux Moines

2011-03-08T13:16:00.000-08:00

The First Cheese

I'd like to write about it, but not now, what about we taste it for a few days and then write about it?

What about we watch a commercial on it instead?: Chaussee aux Moines

...What I can tell you so far about it:

1. It's Keo's favorite cheese, he wakes up at in the middle of the night to ask for it.

2. It's Mild. It's easy to cut, it's not smelly.
That's all so far, I don't have much of a cheesy vocabulary - YET! :)

Tennis, baguettes and Frenchmen

2011-03-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

Kenji started tennis again a few weeks ago.

Keo started too. JM loves to play with them. I like to watch and take pictures.

After tennis we went to get lunch at the boulangerie and a haircut for Kenji.

This is the Portuguese lady I asked to pose with a baguette.

Warm delicious baguettes!

Handsome dressed up Papa.

A Smiling happy Frenchmen.

Balloon art and a spankings

2011-03-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

Kenji went to a balloon art making class over the February break and this is what he made! Now that is something else isn't it? It's a fish, it's got eyes, lips, and a tail! Keo played with it in the bath. Funny little balloon.

Another funny little guy. Today during his bath Keo told me that one of his teachers at school Ecole La Cloche yells a lot. I've heard her too. Teachers in France have all the right in the world to yell and even spank kids believe it or not, and no one says anything! Just like in the old days..So Keo goes on to tell me that MaryVon loses her temper often and spanks some kids on their bottom! I was horrified. I asked him if she ever spanked him and he just said ",,,no...but if she does, I'm going to spank her right back."

Keo and Girls (and other stuff)

2011-02-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

Keo and Girls. Not a great mix. Unlike his brother, Keo has this phobia against girls. He'll never talk to one, he'll only make faces at them from afar,and he is a stiff as board when he sits next to them at school. It is so obvious that the teacher told me he has an" issue" with girls. When he brought home his class picture he remembered only the boys names, and when I asked what the girls names were he just said "Je sais pas". He makes fun of Kenji if he speaks to one. Come to think of it, the only girl Keo really got to know was Indestructible Zoe made of rubber, and then if asked about Clara he just says "yeah, like the time she dunked Kenji's face in the snow!" So... I don't know, all I know is he is very uncomfortable standing next to one. During his birthday week we enrolled Keo in an art class in Fontainebleau. It was the cutest place ever. This little french house right across from the chateau park. The teacher was an art teacher from home that ran these little classes from her cozy little french family room. So I dropped Keo off, --only to see a few minutes later that....he was the only boy. And he had to go 3 days in a row. And they made him a cake with pink frosting and sang him happy birthday. And they made beaded necklaces and bracelets. Right up Keo's alley...He was not very happy, but maybe it did him some good to spend hours with cute little french girls?

Morning After Keo's birthday, I'm sure he'd take Legos and Power Rangers over bracelet making any day.

Kenji, a cafe and Harry Potter

The Fontainebleau Chateau, it is truly this color! I don't know if it is the sunlight, the fog or what, but it is breathtaking to look at.

This is the BEST place to have a pastry in Paris. Click here and have a glimpse at this place!!!

A view from the stairs walking down

Me trying to be discreet and proper.

All the while Kenji and papa dancing at home:) JM is really into it eh? That's where Kenji gets all his great moves!

---------------------------------------------

Well. How about an update on our situation? I so don't want to update because I really like focusing on all the great stuff we are doing right now. But, I need to update. So - JM is due for his operation very very soon. It will be at the end of this month, early April. I don't know what else to say. I'm kind of numb to the idea right now. That's like in what...? 35 days? 40? What does that mean? Ok, well, let's not dig too deep here, instead I will say this: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK! Hey, this is life. And things can be worse, so far so good, we are holding on and getting ready. We are all settled here, kids are good, JM is working and good, all is calm, all is french...it's all good.

I have a babysitter on call the day it happens. Schools know our situation so they know what is going on...you know what? tell me if I'm totally crazy, but all that keeps running through my head is "how the hell am I going to change a flat tire when I get it next month?" WHY????Why am I thnking that stupid thought? and so now I'm convinced I need two extra spare tires in the car and a tire changing tool, and a manual and a charged phone and an emergency number. Other than that I think I am all set to go and take care of our family for the next month. The tire changing thing just freaks me out. I think I will bike everywhere for one month.

JM is doing fine. He has a great outlook and work is keeping him busy so no time for worrying. Kenji and Keo are well aware of papa getting an operation and they are fine too. Are there other things I need to prepare for? Logistical things Im not thinking about other than extra tires?

Anyhow, that is where we are. When we visited the surgeon Paul Brousse not too long ago I asked him what else we needed to bring along (besides JM) and he said "Nothing, just him." I was thinking maybe a bag of clothes, a blanket for me to hang out in,,,slippers a sandwhich?(you know kinda like pregnancy).but no. he said " nope. just bring him, drop him off and go home." and he said it just like that. So...no waiting room? No. Nothing. He said he will call me when JM is out. --And that was that. Ok. But I think Im going to stay right? and so that is what I told him, but he said no need to. But I want to! I can't just go there drop him off and leave!!! So there is no waiting room, no personnel either? no support group? no other people waiting for their people??? :(((AHHHH!-- So I will take JM, my computer instead then. And my phone. And me. and our car.(filled with tires).

Until next time. Until I get the guts to write about all this worrying stuff.

Keo the French turns 6

2011-02-26T13:55:00.000-08:00

Keo J. Rollin turned 6 on February 18th!

Keo and Mama Lali

We celebrated with the whole family coming over and it was GREAT cause my mom and JM's mom got to see eachother again along with all of Jean Marcs aunts and cousins.

There was a dinasour cake.

A baby.

A smurf.

a Crown.
and a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY song.

Keo is now 6. A long awaited 6 if you ask me. He's been wanting to be 6 since he turned 5. And now that he is 6 he wants to be 9! Here is the speeder below, speeding along the streets of Fontainebleau, speaking French and making faces at French girls!

Keo is speaking French now. A video to come soon!

Mama Lali visits France

2011-02-26T13:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Blacksburg. This has been a long road for us. And it continues to be a long road, a road to where? no one knows! But every step here and there in this cute little town is beautiful.

My mom, AKA Mama Lali has come to visit us in France. Today is new day in France. Today my mom is here!. She is and looks very well as you can see!!! :)))\

We spent a few days shopping...

Lots of time eating...

more shopping...

More eating...

Some playing...(She made an Indiana Jones vest for Keo!)

Some sightseeing...

Some serious picture taking...

And some leg biting.

We had a wonderful time :)

La Vie a Fontainebleau

2011-02-12T09:16:00.000-08:00

Center of town, walks to shops, everyone getting their baguette from the local Boulanger,our favorite thing to do!

Kenji sitting in the Beethoven chair for his first French haircut.

And in front of the haircut place where this guy played French music!.... that was before the haircut.

Keo drinking milk that came from a French cow.

and juice that came from a French tree probably!

Le Board Walk of France is the....

2011-02-06T02:54:00.000-08:00

Avenue Des Champs- Elysees

A Friday night well spent with Papa, Kenji and Keo.

More "Les Soldes!" shopping on Saturday and a walk to the market on Sunday, let's see who will be out there in this cold weather. Happy cold weekend!

On the Runway - Jean Paul Gaultier

2011-01-29T11:50:00.000-08:00

I was feeling a little bored today... when suddenly I remembered Fashion Week was happening in Paris! Jean Paul Gaultier gave his Springtime 2011 Fashion show in Paris this week. It was titled : Black Magic.
Jean Paul Gaultier as a tradition of giving his outfits names such as : Le Chat Noir, Punk Is Not Dead and Moulin Rouge. ---Neat-o!

And, here is mouthful that makes you feel like you just ate something incredibly delicious:

"Pieces like a pale celadon silk evening gown overlaid with intricate corsetry, silk brocade tuxedo suits, studded biker jackets teamed with chainmail T-shirts and fishtail skirts, black lacquered silk trench shown over voluminous silk tulle petticoats were head turning."....delicious no?

Have a look at the slide show of images on the New York Times website, my favorite image is of the French Can Can dress # 9

What is the Moulin Rouge?

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec painted numerous posters and scenes of night life at the Moulin Rouge. And for a little laugh visit the Moulin Rouge Can Can Dancers from 1902

Bye!

Wintery Things

2011-01-27T13:15:00.000-08:00

Oh my! Look at this! It's a Storks nest! Yes it is, just like in Dumbo! Can you believe the size of that thing, and, just sitting there on top of someones house! How big is the bird?

A few weekends ago Kenji got invited to his first French birthday party.

He was excited to come home with an invitation to this ice skating party. I was excited too because I got to meet some of the boys, I think JM and I were the only parents that hung around...yes, yes we were..oh well!

---

I've decided that now that we are a bit more settled, I am going to taste one cheese a week! I'm going to buy it on Friday at the outdoor market, read about it, taste it, take pictures of it and then write about it! I could also do that with...wine, pastries..bread too..apples also..but I will start with Fromage!

The Feve, the Galette and the Crown.

2011-01-24T11:34:00.000-08:00

This is the Galette de Rois...

The Galette de Rois comes with a Crown...

You get the Crown IF you get the Feve...

The Feve.. is hidden in the Galette de Rois...

My very good friend Michelle explains it all, click here!!!

I met Michelle in Bath, England, she is English. Her husband Francois and JM did their Phd together, he is French. They kept Kenji the night Keo was born, and now they have two beautiful children themselves AND they are now living in France as of this past June!!!

Visit their blog and their time in France!
Happy January!

Welcoming 2011 with delicious Macarons

2011-01-22T09:42:00.000-08:00

It's the time of the Macaroon in France. Every bakery sells them. All different flavors and colors. My favorite is the Raspberry Macaron. I bought three the other day. I want to paint a picture of this!

You can find the best macaroons in Paris at the lux French pâtisserie Laduree.

I may well take a day trip out there, all dressed up of course, to Laduree, and try them, ..to try one.

Here is a picture of Lily and Baby Maria and at our house a few weeks ago...already a few weeks ago..

Clara on our afternoon excursion out to buy a crepe in Fontainebleau.

James ready to eat a petit cuillere.

Lily and Ivan meet! Ivan le Pape is on vacation at the moment...and we miss him. Must get our baguette from the other bakery.

Airport-acres kids. A TV is a TV anywhere...

A Long Walk well Needed

2011-01-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning was just gorgeous. The weather was 15 degrees Celsius, it was sunny, and it was Market Day in Fontainebleau, AND it is "Les Soldes in France at the moment!!"! A day well needed. Jean Pierre, Jean Marcs dad and his wife came to visit us for the day from Blois, about 2 hours south of Paris. "Pepe" - (grandpa) and Kenji went riding along on their scooters and I just took pictures of all the pretty things that caught my eye along the way to and from home. Here is my picture list:

Pepe and Kenji

White door.

Pretty little window sill, shutters open...

A Maison de Ville.

Window, shutters closed...must be on vacation, you don't ever leave your shutters closed during sunlit hours!

Door nobs in the middle of the door..

This is a typical Fontainebleau window, shutter...holder. This little man is seen all around town holding windows shutters in place. Today he is facing up, often he is facing down, whenever we see him facing down the kids and I always turn him up, always!

Just a street sign, that's all. A normal street sign. But.. doesn't it look so strong! and what presence!!!

Somebody has a cute address tile above their door!

A Great Rock Wall!

The number 2's - my neighbors to the front, The "Close Your Shutters" people.

The "cut and paste" house. View of our other neighbors to the side, I want to cut and paste this house into an art piece!

Our Window! (shutters open)

I need curtains, and there are so many kinds you can get! Ones that stick to your windows like we saw above, ones that are flowy and breezy, ones that are heavy and warm...sigh...oh the choices...Must snap some shots of my favorites and then decide. I want to let the light in...I don't want to cover them from the inside because I love looking at them...so for now there is nothing and I'm happy with that, but, for privacy reasons and out of respect for the neighbors I must get myself some curtains!

Perfectly trimmed trees.

A wonderful day spent out.

Market day Tuesday...coming up! And it's "Le Soldes" in France at the moment! Oh la la, Les Soldes!!!!! (Sale Sale!!!)

Feeling Blue

2011-01-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Blacksburg, I'm feeling a little under the weather lately. I'm not sick, but I feel sick. I'm not sure exactly what's wrong..but I know something must be wrong when I see I haven't any motivation to post in the last 2 weeks. Told myself I would post once a week, if just to post a pic of something, anything. Here is a pic. I feel like that guy above. Maybe things have really settled down now and it's the first time in months things really feel normal, I'm not so in awe of everything anymore, and that kinda annoys me. Things are feeling a little too normal. Kids are in school, Keo has picked up lots of French, Kenji is doing well in school, doesn't get any homework practically due to his long school day - and his teacher said when at home he should "relax and decompress" also saying that family time is really important and should be stressfree..I found all this really amusing since it was almost exactly the opposite way I felt in Blacksburg sometimes with schoolwork and after-school activities. JM and I went to a doctors appointment, got some results on all his tests from the previous months..maybe that has put me off a bit. I didn't get a chance to send the Christmas cards I wanted to send, so that makes me feel bad. I'm not sure if my mom is coming in Feburary, so I'm already missing her, that made me sad. I lost my phone - it's been a few weeks now and that makes me feel really stupid!!! I have no idea who has called, but then I realize I only know like.. one person here.., so, I guess I must not have that much to miss. My family has my number, but I don't know if they have tried to call. I need to give them my landline number. I need to find my phone.

-------------

I know why I'm sad. It's not that I just remembered why, but it kinda is, it just came to me again like a wall. It is something that is really upsetting and I try to keep it out of my mind,and just now as writing it resurfaced. It's about a very good friend of mine and her family. I won't share details, all I want to say , because I feel like I have to say something since it just came to me like this, is that I'm thinking of her and her family, that I hope she finds the strength somewhere to get through this. This is where my heaviness is coming from. This is why everything is seeming so blue.

They say you should write. They say you should write because things come to the surface when you write. Well it just happened and I see a bit more clearly.. It's not about things seeming normal like I said above, it's not about settling in, or my phone, it's that my friend had a tradegy in her family recently and she is in pain. And I look around at my family and feel sad for her. I look around at the things I complain about, about the big deal I make about things like apt. searching etc and feel so silly. I really have nothing to complain about. Nothing can compare to what she is going through.

Ugh, what a depressing post. Sorry. I really didn't see this coming and then it all comes out.

*I am thankful for my family, my family here and my family in the US. I am thankful we are able to share time together even if it is short or even if it is at the holidays, even if it is over the phone.

I'm thankful that we are all well and getting better. I am thankful to have them to talk to.*

I will post again very soon, get my act together too.

Be safe, have some faith, and whatever you do, don't eat as much chocolate croissants as I am eating lately. I am eating so much. Exercise (in France)? what is that?..... French breakfast? Now I like that..

xoxoxo

gisa

Lily and Family in PARIS!

2011-01-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Blacksburg- Lily and family are visiting us in France! And they are from Airport Acres!!! I'm so HAPPY! Will post more pics later! --All is well, they arrived in France, visited family in Strasbourg, and the Alsace region, and are now home with us celebrating. Tomorrow we may go to Paris again, but.... after our fun night home (a dinner with raclette and all)
...I think we may take a rest... and enjoy Fontainebleau... before they head back home..

This is them in Paris!

Bonne Annee 2011!

2011-01-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

A year ahead with lots of joy, good health and good wishes for all!

Our quiet evening at home celebrating the end of one very long year.

Our last night out with Dara in Paris

Celebrating at the resto like the French, so proper!

A bakery open late into the evening...what do they do with all the leftovers?

My future Chandelier found on our late night out :)

Happy New Year!

Crazy Dara in Paris - Parisian Evening coming up!

2010-12-29T14:38:00.000-08:00

Dara has come to visit us all the way from Blacksburg! Dara is JM's work colleague from Nuvotronics. Soon we will have all of JM's work visit us in France! She is eating her way through Paris and we are happily joining her.

more Nutella Crepes...

and more beautiful cheese.

An afternoon visiting the Palace of Fontainebleau

A very happy Dara in front of the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs Elysees.

Tomorrow JM's cousin is babysitting the kids and we are having a night out in Paris with Dara before she leaves for Blacksburg. Fun night coming up!

Playdough in Paris

2010-12-29T14:02:00.000-08:00

Playdough took on a whole new meaning this Christmas.

Cutting, baking and rolling away, pretending to be top chefs. Keo made me snails...in spaghetti, Kenji - a crepe..of course!

I got JM that french bakers hat :) He will soon wear it at our Crepe Festivals in Virginia!!!

While in Fontainebleau we caught up with some old friends. Actually our very first friends ever in France.

Here are the boys with Margaux and baby Josephine. Margaux and Kenji met when they were 6 months old! They were born in the same hospital in Fontainebleu, took their special baby massage class together every Thursday and chewed on baguettes together from an early age. We said goodbye to them when we left for England, they were both 3 years old. Now! - 8 years later they meet again and go the same school! A bit more shy and timid, but...still, and when they see pictures of themselves rolling around in diapers, well, Vanina (Margauxs mother pictured above) and I think it's very cute, they just kinda turn red in the face :).

Joyeux Noel 2010!

2010-12-25T13:32:00.000-08:00

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house...

not a creature was stirring, not even Keo mouse...

(or this cute half eaten Mousse de Canard Christmas rabbit!)

The stockings were hung on our Sapin with care,

in hopes that le Pere Noel would soon be there!

And indeed he came, All the way to France!

Canapes for hors d'oeuvres!

Seafood from the morning market!

Oh la la! C'est tres bon!

(Look! Kenji and Keo ate Sea Urchins!)

Christmas Day! The suspense! Kenji and Keo woke up at 5 am, then fell back asleep till 8(phew.)

We celebrated at home all day long... watched Toy Story 3 (and Mary Poppins - my favorite :), took a nap, stayed in PJ's and had some of the best hot chocolate ever created.

Often thinking of friends and family, - wishing everyone a

Merry Christmas from Fontainebleu.

Christmas Crepes and Monster Snowflakes!

2010-12-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

Christmas in Paris!

Crepes in Paris! - Parisian Eyeware!

Red glasses with Spikey hair for when buying Crepes in Paris. (Always buying Crepes in Paris.)

Hooray for Christmas Crepes!

Hooray for Christmas Snow Flakes!

Kenji takes Paris by Snowflakes

Paris Christmas Market, look at all the goodies!

This is the largest Christmas market within Paris City Limits. The market stretches from the Champs Elysees to the Concorde! We started at the Concorde and made our way down to the Champs Elysees. Along the way we picked up some hot mulled wine, gingerbread treats and nibbled on cheese and sausage! We ended our walk right at the movie theater on the Champs Elysees where we watched MegaMind in English! And Keo made a little friend that happened to be from Virginia also! Oh he was so so so happy!!! They sat next to each other and chatted (all the way through the film) with their 3-D glasses.

Sausages and Bread!

Oh when we saw these! A toasty place to warm your hands up and did we ever need some hand warming on this chilly evening. Every few hundred yards they would have one set up and we would stop, warm our hands and cheeks and get on with our Christmas Market Sightseeing!

My boys, still little, I love the magic of Christmas.

Look at how the tree is planted in that piece of wood!

Our backyard is so cute. This is it, just enough space to build a snowman in the winter, plant some tomatoes in the summer, carve a pumpkin the fall and pick some flowers in the spring!

Say Cheese!

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We are enjoying time in France and all the amazing things it has to offer. It's very cold right now, not many things to do indoors at all either, but that's ok! It's all about the outdoors and the markets, the boulangeries, and pastries, and coffee, window shopping...lots an lots of window shopping, and lots and lots of pastry eating, and not so much exercising :(...but lots and lots of walking- (and eating.)

Preparing for our Christmas meal too! What shall we have? Frog legs? Oysters? Snails of course!

Yvan - another person in our life these days

2010-12-15T14:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, so let me brag about our steet corner bakery.

When searching for apartments in Fontainebleau I had a checklist of things I wanted to make sure we had in arms reach, one being the most important of all of course - a good bakery nearby. And what do you know, we just happen to be living near one of the most famous french bakers/patissier/chocolate maker in ALL OF FRANCE. no joke, yeah, I'm his neighbor :) His name is Yvan. He opened his lux pastry shop in 2010 here in Fontainebleau (read that, scroll down past the castles) before that he was Top Pastry Chef at Palace Elysee on the Champs Elysee in Paris! -And...oh my goodness, words can not describe how happy I am to walk into his bakery, order his bread and amazing chocolates, and start a conversation with him (he even wears this long tall pasty hat - like in the cartoons), yes, yes he does. And I enjoy every bit of watching him bake away as I nibble on my baguette. Here is what some have to say: " In August 2009, The citizens of Fontainebleau proudly welcomed one of the best pastry chef of France, Yvan Le Pape. A rising star at an early age, Yvan Le Pape trained as a chef and began his career in France , 22 years ago. In the bakery there, he worked with the boulangers and became captivated by the ritual of afternoon tea and the beautiful and intricate pastry he saw each day. Still convinced he should be versatile in the bakery to become a pastry chef. He is best known in Paris for the innovative desserts he created while serving as Pastry Chef at the

palace, first in Italie, in Belgium and now in Fontainebleau. He worked 16 hours a day just to learn how to make blown sugar. He worked also with one of the biggest baker a that time who make the best bread of Fontainebleau, the best pastries of Fontainebleau and the best chocolates of Fontainebleau."

- So, yeah, I have a pretty cool street corner bakery at arms reach, and no that is not his bread in the above picture, don't want to offend him if he visits my blog which I told him to do so since he has given me permission to go on behind the scenes and take pictures of him at work!

One early morning at the market, it's my very own ready made community garden - Ha! look at that airport acres, no weeding, just pick and eat (they knew the Rollins where coming!!! Yippie!)

Screens? what are those? Children security gates? - what? - Childproofing does not exist, Bah! - live and learn.

------

Christmas is coming, Hooray! Our plans? Staying put. Staying warm, and Staying healthy. Lot's of French Christmas caroling going on in the streets, lots of beautiful bright lights and lots and lots of pastry eating. Let's enjoy this holiday season!

Fast Food , French Roof tops and Miniture Gardens

2010-12-11T13:40:00.000-08:00

It's late, we are out, kids are tired and hungry..where do you go to get some good food fast? ...Chez Leon of course, and right next to IKEA! Ah, some good Moules Frites childrens menu and we are good to go. It's set up like...Denny's or....a Panera :) - but... tastes a little better. Talk about good fast food fast!

Discovering our backyard. It's approximately 20m2...Kenji and Keo are already talking about making a vegetable garden. Hm. not sure that we will have enough room, but Keo is getting started anyway. This little "jardin" is surrounded by a rock wall with ivy and plants climbing the walls, it's so cute.I think I can handle this one. But - lawn mowers are not a common tool here, so...clippers will have to do (that is what I was told by our neighbor..:/

French rooftops, another one of my very favorite things about France, that and French windows.

You could plop me down in front of a French Window, hand me a box of popcorn and I would be as happy as a little girl watching Cinderella. Same goes for French rooftops. --You know, now that we are finished house searching I would, really really would go house hunting just for the fun of visiting 5th floor apartments and getting a glimpse of the roof tops out of that gorgeous french window that would be waiting just for me to lean out of. I would, on a free afternoon just do that. What fun, no pressure of making decisions, just me, a french window, a stream of rooftops and a box of popcorn. --Oh, yes, and that ever so patient agency lady tapping her high heel shoes (on that gorgeous wooden floor), but let's forget her and get back to my window watching! (oh not window washing of course)

Life is feeling normal again. We we are enjoying our first weekend of just doing NOTHING.

Tomorrow we go the the local outdoor "Marche" to get a bunch of vegtables, some Veau...which just up until right now thought it meant Lamb...but JM just at this moment told me it means Baby Cow. Um..hmm. might rethink my menu for the week. Cow is fine, but baby cow makes me feel a little strange..I'll stop here. Happy Weekend!

Paris in the snow

2010-12-10T12:59:00.001-08:00

Buried in snow in Paris!

And it's Friday which means cake making day at Keo's school. Every Friday is cake making day...

Exposition Monet!

2010-12-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

Kenji, Keo and Monet in Paris! This amazing show opened here in Paris in the fall at the Grand Palais . The New York Times says it's "The biggest art spectacle in Europe this fall, with some 160 paintings, it is, believe it or not, the first full-dress overview Paris has staged in decades, the first chance anywhere to see the whole sweep of his work in some time. The French are treating it like a national celebration." And we are too! We all went to see this ravishing show!!!

"Monet was really painting mental states, states of reflection. His late, sublime “Water Lilies” is literally that: reflections of light, clouds and foliage against the surface of his pond at Giverny, Monet’s erotic, mysterious, multicolored abyss of shimmering, indefinite space, which kind of describes memory itself."

`A Hop, Skip and a Jump and here we are! From the park to the museum! Paris is Magnifique!

Parisian Eyeware

2010-12-02T12:30:00.000-08:00

I think it was about 2 weeks into our arrival in France that Keo started having some trouble with his eye. Oh, to top it all off, right... So somewhere in the middle of our house hunting escapade we made a visit to the doctor who then referred us to the eye doctor the same day and after a few very quick exams and in a very brisk manner she said "here is his prescription, he has a stigma, he needs eye glasses at once" I was so sad, just sitting there with Keo on my lap I wanted to say " what? really? glasses? Now???" So, today Keo is to wear some glasses until he grows out of his stigma she said, and he needs to have some visits to another eye doctor for some eye exercises (12 sessions). We went to pick out two pairs of glasses, one for school -- and one for Paris! That was fun. He choose the above for school, a nice brown pair, very Harry Potter and then he choose a bright RED pair to wear with his spiky hair for when buying crepes in Paris! Oh La La!

And so, today things are feeling pretty normal again. We are pretty much settled in and the boys have their wake up at 6:30am routing, school/home/goutez (chocolate pastry/bread and salted butter/hot chocolate eating time) then homework, bath and dinner time... - all the things I so longed for not so very long ago right...right...right.

School is underway, I have my very first parent teacher conference tomorrow at my request. Since I can never pass those tall iron gates to speak with teachers I have absolutely no clue what is going on in Kenji's school since the day he started...And when I ask Kenji " How are things going, do I have to sign something? What about homework - are you doing it all? How do I know your doing ok in class?" He just glances at me, rolling his eyes while quickly walking ahead of me on our way home for school and calls back "It's called responsibility mom..." and then of course Keo runs ahead and says "yeah, mom, Responsibility."

Tall thick iron gates. Oh, if your late...Those large iron doors shut loudly at 8:30am and if you don't make it in your in trouble! You have to use the intercom and wait wait wait till someone answers:

"Yesss"

"Yes, hello, would you please let me in"

"Your LATE"

"Yes, yes I know"

"Your name..."

"Rollin, .. Kenji Rollin..."

after a good few seconds...

"(sign) Come in. BEEEEEEP" - iron doors open.

Who is this person behind that intercom that makes us feel so small when I press that button? This voice, sizing you up from behind a speaker. Why don't they just say come in? Or better...."Hi :) Good morning, come in :)" What can this person with that voice look like?. spending their morning saying "Your late!" and then there is that brief moment when you don't know if they're going to say "come in" - like, what else are they going to say? Go home?

A picture of our walk to and from school.

Kenji making some friends on one of the first days of school..

Some time with Papa:

This week has been another long week with a lot of progress. JM went in for a minor pre-transplant operation. He was in for about 5 days. This was all after our very fun weekend in Paris. On Saturday night we went to the famous Moulin Rouge, had a great time, and then on Sunday night I was dropping JM off for his hospital stay and heading home with the boys to Fontainebleau. This was my first week home alone in our new home. It was a little bit lonely in the new place, but kids lunch time pick-ups kept me busy, still unpacking, still trying to get internet, still reminding myself whatever I unpack has to be packed up. JM is home tonight and resting.

******************

I'm including a picture of the newest addition to my husband. It's a new option that makes him stronger, brighter and happier!

Hmm..what is that? Jm says this little contraption is a testimony of his love for electronics. He sent a message to work saying "This is how close electronics is to my heart :)"

Keo's first week of French School

2010-11-24T14:23:00.000-08:00

FRENCH SCHOOL.

"Yes Keo, it's all in French. Yes, I know, you don't know French very well...but you'll learn, it'll be fun...You'll be speaking French before you know it..you'll make some friends too.."

Keo Rollin starts French School. My baby. Doesn't speak much French at all and now he must sit and listen to French all day long and learn to write in cursive! The little children were very sweet. They are very affectionate...They came, hugged him, cuddled him, and pet him! They kissed him on his head and played with his cowlick.. All this in the first 15 minutes of our arrival! I thought to myself "Ok, that's sweet, being affectionate is sweet, JM is very affectionate...this is all so sweet, very touchy touchy, not very rigid, this is sweet".

Well EVERYDAY, the kids come, cuddle Keo, hug, kiss and pet him. Keo on the other hand is like "what in the world!?" It's been 5 days of hugs and lots of loving. The teacher greets Keo with a kiss and a hug everyday, and the children follow suite soon after. He's kind of getting use to it now and I think he kind of likes it. Public affection starts at a young age here! Kissy Kissy Kissy and everyone is happy!

So what can I say? This school maternelle "Ecole La Cloche" is very SWEET!

Wooden chairs, handmade curtains, beautiful iron balconys, tall French windows :)...

And Keo seems happy. Whats great is that school in right in town, right there not far from our house or the bakery ...the chocolate croissants!!!

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This week JM had his last round of final exams at Hopital Paul Brousse (where his surgery is going to be done). It's been a busy week for him. He is tired...

We have a house finally. We have the kids in school, we almost have a phone and internet. We are good. We are settling. How do I really know that I'm feeling settled? Let me tell you - the moment I made this list below:

Buy:

Salted butter

and Unsalted Butter"

That is when I knew I was "HOME" again. Why did this simple list of butter make such a huge impact on me? Because, it's been ages since I can remember making a list that included silly things like salted butter AND unsalted butter. This means I am ready to take on other things besides packing, unpacking, hospital visits, house hunting, school searching administrative papers, and other things...this list means that I have actually gone from one place to another and made it. It means things are feeling normal again, finally.

It is time to rest now, to enjoy, to get some strength back and to get ready. I'm ready, I know I can handle this now.

Paris - all eaten up by some American boys and one pink princess

2010-11-24T14:06:00.000-08:00

How hungry for Paris can you get?

These two little monkeys walked along the Seine, passed the Eiffel tower, strolled under the Arc De Triomphe all the while talking about power rangers, race cars and who knows what else. Sightseeing? Eh, who needs it when you have a good American friend to talk to. Keo couldn't have been happier - finally, someone who could share a good American sentence with him...And Zane? Just happy to walk the streets again with his buddy (maybe not Dehart Street...but close).

Not 15 minutes into our first visit out in Paris and we lose Keo and Zane. We crossed the street all together, grabbed our cameras and started snapping away shots of the this and that all the while thinking someone else was keeping an eye on the boys. Next thing I hear in the middle of crowd is "Where is Zane? Where is Keo!!!" I see Noels face in the middle of the crowd turn white, we all dropped our cameras, realizing we were on a street corner opposite Notre Dame we had no clue what direction they had walked off in. It was utter panic. Taxis everywhere, strangers everywhere, where were the boys...JM took off in one direction, I took off in another, bumping into people left and right yelling their names. After a few good minutes and a good strong pumping of my heart I see arms waving in the distance - JM has Keo and Zane. They had taken off and didn't stop when we had stopped...JM found them at an intersection holding hands. That was NOT fun. From that moment we were glued to them at the hip. Very scary moment.

and then..Pretty in Paris...

and then..Pouting in Paris

Isn't that how it is. Paris is filled with emotions. We had an excellent weekend filled with joy and happy moments. So happy to have seen familiar faces. Another turning point in our time here.

Paris Weekend Ahead!!!

2010-11-19T13:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Blacksburg, this is one of our many windows! Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE french windows? I love them so much it scares me. I stop, look and listen to each and every french window I see in town. Something about them that is just so inviting again.. like the way I feel about the french cursive writing..

We've had our first week full of school, cleaning and furnishing a new house/apt. Exhausted YES! Happy? YES! And somehow a sick-to- my-stomach feeling trying to re-buy everything we basically gave/threw/sold away in Blacksburg...do you remember? what a waste!(garbage cans, toilet cleaners, supplies, wooden spoons for cooking, dish cloths)...the list goes on...Having an apt. is great, yes, having NOTHING in it is something else. It's when we went 3 days without a stove or fridge and couch and beds that I realized how "NICE" it was to live it Rosas....- oh the "things" you take for granted -...learning a lot here about life and being thankful...

Keo is doing great at his new school. He doesn't understand why he has to go to a French school and Kenji get's to speak English at his, but, that is just the way it is for now. He is too young to attend Kenji's international school, so full days of French it is. Will do him some good!

So why do I call this a house/apt? Because this is a house, but it feels like an apartment. It looks likes it part of a house from the outside. Keo has been extremely helpful in cleaning. JM has been amazingly helpful in finding us furniture for the months ahead, and Kenji has been helpful in just growing up I guess. Do you know what? I opened the clothing boxes that we had sent overseas and you know what? Everything that I had packed for Kenji looked like it would fit Keo!!! What the??? Where and when did my kids grow out of their clothes? Seriously , Kenji's clothes fits Keo and JM's clothes fits Kenji! I'm dumbfounded when I hold up a pair of pants and think to myself " is this what I paid and packed away for Kenji for France in August?" I was hoping all the clothes I packed would last a few months..but not likely, Kenji seems to have gone through a growth spurt that I was unaware of while living in Rosa's house (JM's mom)...In any case, this just means that some shopping is in order. Fun? We will see..

French clothes is notorious for being, well so french again and $$$! (but still fun!) And my Kenji? Growing up....

----

This very fun weekend is going to be VERY FUN! Noel and David from Nuvotronics in Blacksburg, JM's work are coming for a couple weeks to visit!!!! They arrive tomorrow morning, stay the weekend in Paris with us then are off for a few days to the south, then back with us in Paris for the weekend before they leave. It makes me SO happy to think I will see familiar and loving faces. And Zoe and Zane are coming too!! Kenji and Keo are so happy!!! They arrive at 10:30 am (4am your time) and then JM and I have a fun packed weekend awaiting them, a full itinerary!: Iffel Tower, Seine boat ride, Bakeries, best restaurants, sightseeing and more more more!!!! This is another turning point in our time here...We need as much good energy coming our way as possible right now.---

JM is tired, beyond tired to be honest :( This has been just too much, all this...All this, as nice as I make it sound, it's hard, it's sad and it's tiring, but I'm trying to make the best for us, for us and for you to see that we are still doing ok. For me to see that I can still see the goodness, that I WON'T let my family down. That I won't let YOU down. If I let go, I lose. I am dragging you through all of this with me - if you like it our not. You are going to be with me this entire way- I can not let go - I won't. - YOU and Me together.

...A+

Rollins to Blacksburg: "We are out of the Red Zone!"

2010-11-18T03:19:00.000-08:00

Repeat! "I say :We are out of the Red Zone!" Blacksburg, We are in the clear! We have landed and are home free! It's been what...2 1/2 months? Lots of suitcase living and baguette cracking going on and now we are HOME!

Lots to share: Kenji started school, Keo started school, JM is on wait list for operation and things are moving quickly. I can't say in words how amazing it was the morning JM and I had our first morning together, alone. All alone, knowing the kids were in good hands, knowing we had done our best to get JM his medical attention this past month, and now, our house/apartment, our own space, our own room.

We still don't have internet yet though, it'll be another week or so before phone line also, but we can receive messages on our phone from time to time. It drives us crazy. - But, we have been using the Wifi network of the neighbors when the don't know it...but there was a week or so they kinda figured out we were, closed their shutters on us, and then we had nothing for a few days (so french), but today! today we have it, don't know for how long but I can post a little note to you to say all is well!!!!

Will write more later!

Love you all!!!

Gisa

A HOUSE! - A HOME! - I HAVE ONE!!!

2010-11-06T17:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Blacksburg!!! I found a house! I found a place to live! Can you hear me?! I'm yelling to you with my words!!! --Here it is above!

Well, not really, this is the Palace of Fontainebleau, but I did find a place to live and guess what? We move in tomorrow!!! I spent this whole week playing a sneaky game of "I'm interested in this and I'm interested in that" with the agencies. I played by their rules the first time and got burned (lost the apt. I really worked hard for and really wanted..) so I learned my lesson. This time, they played by my rules, and, I got what I wanted in the end: A house, a beautiful space for us to do what we need to do while we are here. It's magnificent! It's gorgeous and it's very french! Boys have their own rooms, two bathrooms!, a cute kitchen - with a-to-die for window, and a little living room and eating area. It's Prrrrrfect! I can't tell you how happy I am. Those two days of waking up at 5:30 and getting to Fontainebleau were exhausting and I didn't think I would be able to do it again the next week and now I don't have to! We move in tomorrow, so dear reader, I won't be able to post for maybe 10 days or so, maybe sooner if I go to a cafe, but I think I'll be busy moving in and so on. I'm so happy!

And, it is with great effort and heavy heart that I post this picture of Petunia.

I do this because I feel I can today. Because I feel that the day I signed for my house she was with me. It's kinda weird maybe to say that, but, after her recent passing and this past month I was wondering at night, in bed, when I would maybe get a "sign" from her. Sounds strange I know, but I did ask for a sign during some troubled times this month. I asked her to help me find some stability, to help me get through all of this. I asked her and the universe that if there really was something out there, to show me through Petunia somehow that she was with me, like a grandma maybe, to look after me. Well dear reader, it was that early Friday morning that for the first time since her passing I ran into another Chinese Pekingese doggy. He was walking with his owner, as I was walking in town desperately looking at potential apartments we ran into each other. I was so happy at first. I stopped the owner asked if I could pet her beautiful dog. I bent down and for the first time, I felt petunia, her head, her fur, the back, the same as Petunia, it was just like Petunia would feel. I even gave it a little kiss on his forhead and then I cried a little bit. I then stood up and shared with the lady, she was kind and understood some, but not really. I gave the doggie one last little pet and said thank you. It was then dear reader that felt I parted peacefully with Petunia, only then. Was it the fact that I kinda got to say goodbye? That I got one last little hug out of her? One last kiss? I think it was maybe. I felt sad but good in my heart, but very sad again.

Moving on with my search and my day I got Kenji from his second day at school and we went to eat at the local Chinese again. It was there, again that I saw on a menu Petunia! A Pekingese soup...I didn't quite like the idea, prefer the boat cruise instead, but nevertheless there she was. So the day went on and at the end of this very long day I finally, finally found our house. I found it and signed on it. I found it the same day I "saw Petunia" For me that is something, I found meaning in that, and that is why I feel strong posting this picture,... maybe I looked for meaning and made this little story out of it, but it fits and I feel like all these happy things happened on one very sunny day in France when everything else around us seemed like they were kinda falling apart. So Hurray for this day!!! xoxoxo

Talk soon, ..how exciting! ..I found my house!!!

Enfin! L'ecole a Kenji!

2010-11-06T15:55:00.000-07:00

Here it is! Kenji had his second day of school on Friday! He was nervous, but bravely stood there before the iron gates of Ecole International Leonard De Vinci and headed into the crowd of kids.

We woke up at 5:30am to drive to Fontainebleau, school started at 8:30am. We had a nice long drive in the car, talked about what it may be like.

I wanted to stay, to hold his hand, to keep telling him it was going to be ok. He kept a straight face knowing he had to do this, knowing it was his time move forward. I was proud of him. It was a turning point for all of us after all we have been through. - JM was unable to attend unfortunately due to hospital stay, but it was no big deal, he will be able to accompany Kenji soon enough.

You can see Kenji above there looking back...

Keo, looking past the gate to see Kenji go. I didn't like the sound of the gates when they closed! I felt so far away from Kenji and the sound was just so loud and harsh. I just stood there while all the other parents left, I wanted to hold the bars, poke my head in and yell "hey there, teacher, do you need some extra help in the classroom? - I.., I can speak Spanish too, I can help in the art room? , with swim class?, helloooo???"

As everything quieted down Keo and I slowly walked away and headed into town, to wait for Kenji, at 11:30 for lunch.

I did though get to sneak in after him for a second and snap this picture!!! Isn't this how it is? Just look! You can almost here the commotion in the room, the chairs sliding as the kids stand up, the teacher saying "children settle down". How is Kenji feeling???

--Well, he didn't say much when I picked him up. He just wanted to go eat. It was hard getting much out of him. He was quiet. I did though find out that the whole morning was conducted in French! History in French, Math in French!

--We then went off to lunch. Since I don't work at the moment Kenji is obliged to go home for lunch, except on Tuesdays where he eats at the "Cantine". So.. I have to get him every day at 11:30 and have lunch ready. Um..that's nice and all, but really, every day??? AND since we don't have a house at the moment we take our lunch break out in town, which is quite nice really. Chinese for lunch two days in a row, Kenji and Keo love the shrimp chips and the restaurant people love that we are "regulars" (for now..)

That was a day indeed for all of us. First day of school down, many more to go. One kid in school, one more to go. A house to secure, and many many more things to do. We have finally moved forward. Hurray!!!

Dr. Droupy?

2010-11-03T14:48:00.001-07:00

Introducing "The Hospital" - not bad looking eh?

Kenji and Keo at the hospital waiting for papa to get out of an appointment.

Good thing things are nice to look at around here. Nothing ugly, beauty everywhere! And -those scooters are the best things I ever bought. Boys travel everywhere with them: to Paris, to the hospital, to and into museums, bakeries and soon to school!

A great way for the kids to pass them time these days.

Another great idea: A fun park at the hospital! Well, not a fun park, but a Carousal! Right there a minutes walk from the hospital.

To describe France with just a few C's? - simple:

1.Carousals

2.Chocolate Croissants

3. Cafes

4. Candy!

A trip to the hospital this week to drop JM off for his pre-transplant exam and this is what I run in to in the hallway?: A Prof. S. Droupy?
"Hhmm..will you be taking care of my husband... Dr. Droupy??"

Well, we are well on our way here for..lots of things. JM's appointments and hospital stays seem to be coming right along. I had a good heart to heart with the doctors, kicked and screamed my way into getting my husband the best and quickest medical care possible ...and this is where it takes us. It's a bittersweet feeling. I want JM to get in asap...at the same time it's very scary, and it's only after all these appointments are in place, that I realize I really don't want any of this to be happening. It's only when I drive home with kids, and after dropping him off, that I really realize what the hell is going on, it's starting to sink in. Forget my apartment hunting, these mindless details of where to live...This is life. My life, My husbands life, My kids life... I hate the drive home. I hate the week ahead, but then I know he will come home soon and things will be normal again, more yummy breakfasts, more strolls, more sightseeing. This is our life back and forth..and at the end of the day, life is still very sweet for us.

This morning I took Kenji and Keo for a chocolate chaud in town. We sat there, drank our warm breakfast boissons, and talked about how Kenji will begin school tomorrow!!!
Whoo-hoo! School!!! We must rise at 6, leave at 7 and be in Fontainebleau at 8 for school at 8:30am! Then Kenji will have his lunch break and Keo and I will be eagerly waiting for him outside and take him to lunch in town! Then back to school till 3? no, 4? nooo...5? Oui! 5pm he has school, can you believe that? Keo and I will spend the day updating my Visa, walking around (taking pics of course) and oh yes I almost forgot, how could I forget, and looking for apartments...huh, can't believe that left my mind.

Catching up...

2010-11-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Blacksburg, I feel tired and defeated. The apartment I so had my heart set on didn't work out -and I got sick soon after, hence the no posts this week. The only apartment out of 50 apartments that I had my heart set on did not work out! This is where I say to myself "it wasn't meant to be" ...but let me tell you: I did not tell myself that this week after that bad news phone call. I told myself and everyone around me something very different if you can imagine. I locked myself in the bathroom, cried my eyes out and hung my head in the laundry basket for 2 hours. It took me a good few days to get over that. And to realize that I have to start all over again, apartment searching. So I sit here at 2am on a Tuesday night wondering what the hell I'm doing wrong in this process.

1. Am I too picky? this comes to mind first.

2. Am I so stressed out that I just can't make a normal choice?

3. Do I not want to move forward? and why...

About the picky part, I don't think I am too picky! I have to think of the kids (proximity schools, the fact Kenji comes home to eat everyday!, space for them this year) I have to think of JM and recovery. He will need space and comfort. I have to think of cost of living, this is only for 6-9 months so it can be small, or can it? Shouldn't we get something comfortable even if it means more $$$? This will be a special year with special needs.

Living in Fontainebleau is like living in no other city. This is an old city with the Napoleon Chateau! The houses/apartments in and around town are from the 17th century and lots of people live on three levels with bathrooms on the way top and steps on the staircase that are kneehigh! That just doesn't work for me. And so why Fontainebleau? Because it has the international school for Kenji. He just can't go into a normal public French school, Keo can, but Kenji can't. It would be way to difficult. Maybe under normal circumstances YES, but not this year. And I like Fontainebleau, a lot, I married JM right there in the town, Kenji was born there, Petunia lived there, so that's that, dust my knees off, my search must go on.

got candy? got pumpkins?

2010-11-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

Greeting from France, the land of a very hollow Halloween...and a very bitter and biting winter wind, and hello from our new found friends "potiron and citrouille" A hard find in France, and a bit odd shaped too...

The French enthusiasm for Halloween is non-existent. Enthusiasm I'm saying, not idea. The idea exists -and it's not a good idea. Where is the love people? Put some heart in it! I saw people trying to try...buying to try, but um, it looked very awkward, and hello people, we don't trick or treat on the 29th of October - now that is just plain scary, go home and try again, later, like on the 31st. -Or better yet, let my kids show you how it's done.

Now this is more like it!

It's amazing what the power of culture and cumulative effort can do! I miss Halloween in the "hood" this year. I miss the days up to Halloween, the boys getting ready, the "Bwah ha ha " in the house. I declared Halloween my favorite holiday last year... and what to do this year when practically nobody celebrates this special pumpkin season? - A...ha! Mama was thinking! I packed along some face paint in my suitcase just for the occasion!!! I-actually thought a bit ahead and it paid off BIG TIME.

and I packed away a spiderman suite for Keo, although...he wanted to be Power-Ranger instead - so we made some adjustments to his face and it worked out: Spider Ranger!

Then we hit the streets of Euro Disneyland Village (not the actual park) and...

Kenji Breakdanced!

Now how is that for a Halloween evening?

Go Kenji go!

I have never seen Kenji on such a roll before. If we weren't going to go to party then Kenji was going to bring a party to us! He danced his little heart away to a local street group playing Michael Jackson. It was quite a sight!

And then it was time for candy...uh oh...

I didn't have any candy.

"Mama, when can we go trick or treating?"

"Well honey, I'm not sure we can, they just don't do it here..."

"What!" ----(not what? but what!)

Then - I found this:

Cha ching!

Problem solved.

"Kids, just knock on the plastic door! and say trick or treat!"

I'd like to say Kenji's face looked like this when I said that...but it didn't. It looked quite the opposite, but, when mama said "Smile" ..he smiled.
Sweet boy my Kenji...

And here we are, faces painted too.

You know what? It was so outrageous. I would be sitting on the bench at Euro Disney and people would come up and say: "Madam! Where did you get your face done? and where can I get mine done?!"

and I would think to myself "are they talking about this hot mess on my face? and then politely say:

"oh,.. I did it at home.."

and then they would say:

"Oh Madam! you could be making a fortune here on the streets doing that!"

Seriously, it was like they'd never seen a painted face before. Ehh..thanks but no thanks.

To wrap it up, our evening was alright. I don't think I'll ever go to Euro Disney on Halloween though again, unless you actually go in the park..that may be lots of fun.

On the way home though we passed by an old dark "haunted" castle near JM's town. Now that would have been awesome to stop by at!

Note to myself: Next time, while in Paris, on Halloween: take advantage of the castles and dungeons in and around town and skip out on the commercial drama of the French very Hollow Halloween.

P.S. Thank you for our very fun Halloween package with candy and cards!!!

Kenji turns 11 - Joyeux Anniversaire mon bebe..

2010-10-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

Kenji T. Rollin turns 11 in Paris!
Dear Kenji, I love you so much. You are going to have a wonderful 11th year filled with joy and happiness. Your growing quickly, your so bright and handsome!!! and I'm so proud of you! How exciting your back in France where you were born! We are going to have so much fun.

What will we see and do today?

And where will this day take us?

To the Aquariam de Paris!
The perfect pick for my nature lover.

And then off to have some tasty treats!

and then - a cozy birthday celebration at home!
On the Menu: Dinner: Raclette (cheese melted on a special grill then poured over potatoes!) and strawberry-peach cake plus a Chocolate Fondue for le dessert!

Happy 11th Birthday Kenji..

- xoxo mama et papa.

dear coffee: Thank You

2010-10-22T15:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Coffee, thank you for keeping me sane throughout all of this. I know I can count on you. Thanks for being there when I need you most!