Smooth Sailing...

These couple weeks have been a success. The waves have settled and "Ahoy! - land is in view!!! " Our little boat is coming in!
***
Jean marc is doing better. He is going longer and longer without any "serious" problems. I am still hodling my breath a lot of the time, but - feeling now that this may be it! The worst is really over. We can all relax a little.. I feel like I could sleep for the next 9 months...
Time to layout on the boat and get some sun! The rain is gone!

 The boys too I think. We could all use a really long nap...or a really great HOLIDAY!!!!!!

 And so we continue with our window gazing and pastry eating. I've started to run a little again, swim a little, and things have gotten their taste back. We can all actually enjoy a good dessert, a nice chocolate eclair...things are starting to have taste again, for real, not just "for written".

 And my baby boys have done and excellent job of hanging on through this roller coaster. Of doing their best, of doing what they have to do. It's like I handed them both little backpacks at the beginning of this adventure, packed them with strength, love and courage and sent them on their way, sometimes alone, and through dark forests, hoping they would make good use of what they had if they needed. And they did...

 and they came out like champions. With the support of one another, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

...Today Jm is walking some, cooking some, working some, and loving to be up and about again with Kenji and Keo. Papa is back, slowly. Things are still rough sometimes, some days are good, some are not. He needs lots of rest, he needs to get some weight back on, he needs to recover lots. His attitude of steel has gotten him through this, he doesn't even look back at what has happened. I guess we all don't, not yet at least..we are just trying to dust ourselves off still, and I don't know when that time will be when we all come around to looking back. All I know for sure is that it is still not yet. We are still running with our feet off the ground trying to get the hec out of where we have just been and not yet ready to talk about our experience. 

- looking to the future is not a bad thing after all sometimes and going through this without the support of family & friends near and far have made everything good possible. i am so lucky.

(and i am so happy to write this post. It feels like a little story coming to end, with a good, GREAT ending.)

xoxoxo

Rue Rollin

 Rue Rollin in Paris!

They knew we would come! And they knew we would do well!

Ta Da!

A day out window shopping...or better..window display watching in Paris.

                                    The stops we make to gaze and sigh at all the beautiful & delicious creations. It's usually Keo and I that stop and watch, take a picture, and dream about what it may taste like. I'm sure this is great for Keo, to just take a moment...to stop and enjoy--, food!

  And for me to stop and enjoy the pretty baby strollers ..and pretty colored dresses.. and plum umbrellas..it's just too much!

And then the Bistros, and all those Chalk Boards! and I want that pen they use to write on the chalk boards. And I'm learning to write cursive just the way they do! Forget the food -  look at the pretty cursive writing!

And then the Life. the people, the looks, the gestures, the chairs, the air.

Makes me feel like Life is still happening, and that after these 9 months of BLAH, CRASH and BOOMS, I am ready to jump back in the pleasures of life once again.

"And so...Jean Marc..honey..what about another baby?"

 A GIRL?!!!

Keo? Kenji?  little sibling? A little girl we can dress in Pink and walk around town with Plum umbrellas on the poussette? and I can wear flowing dusty pink dresses? In Paris? NY? Blacksburg?

Hello..?

(big dreamy sigh...)...maybe one day...

Paris by Kenji and Keo

 A day at the Tuileries Gardens taken by storm (i  love this picture!)

 Picture taken by Kenji :)

 people.

 sailing boats.

 young Parisian couple.love the fashion!

 We got these really great cards (keo is holding it) . You pick a card and it takes you for a full day in Paris - for kids! (you'd think this was a sweet well intended photo, but Keo is actually screaming his head off while Kenji is whispering something ultra -evil in his ear)

Paris is doing well this time of year. We are all doing better at this time in the year. Jean Marc is busy recuperating and resting (some days are on and some days are off..) and the boys are busy being boys. Why does it feel like I have not 1, 2 but 3 teenagers in the house?

JM had his 2 month post op. anniversary not long ago. He was operated on 28th March. ..

hmm. yeah, it's done. whew. --that was not fun.

Things are strange lately. Weird feeling of looking back on something and not believing what in the world just happened.... these last ...9? months. It's the first time I can kind of, just reflect without having to make myself take a large gulp and look forward. Today I look around at Kenji and Keo, Jean-marc...they are here, with me, we are together, pinch me - is it real? is it over? ...I went on a bike ride tonight with Kenji,  I needed some fresh air, something was calling... I found myself riding through the  forest and to the park where I walked Petunia so many years ago... I don't know how I got there, and then suddenly I was just there. It was like revisiting your past in a dream, although it wasn't a dream,I was actually back here again, -but without Petunia.  I really missed her right then and there and realized I hadn't thought about her like this in a long long time. There hasn't been any room for these kinds of feelings otop everything else recently. And so, this is where it came down once again..the tears, the memories, I don't think I cried like this about Petunia since the days after her passing. And so...here we were, Kenji and I, circling around on our bikes where we use to walk together, Kenji was a baby, Petunia was in her prime. I tried to tell him stories about what it was like when she was young and beautiful, and when he was a baby, through  my sniffles. after sniffles and circling around we decided this was a special place, a place we could come to and think of Petunia. A place that really felt like home, our roots. I wondered why we came here unknowingly...and like to think that Petunia was reaching out :) That she was here at the end of this long tunnel we just took. Here above us and around us saying "hey, I'm here, right where we always use to be." --Now, tonight I feel so much better, like something lifted --I also realize, reflecting on our evening, that I can make a story out of anything:) And that I could make myself cry just for fun if I wanted to. And that I can find a reason to make myself feel really really good and then plenty of reasons to make myself feel really really sad! :) And oh the fun I have! Sometimes I think I would have been a great actress. I trick myself into all sorts of feelings and personalities all the time...note to myself: this is good to know..at least I won't take myself seriously all the time from now on.

anyhow, Petunia was in the air tonight in Fontainebleau, Kenji was the sweetest thing being around me while I was teary eyed on my bike, he stopped his bike, took off his helmet and gave me a hug. He was so sweet the way he cared, the way he was patient while I had one of my "moments"..

--well im off to bed. I making myself tired with all this blubbering away talk. eh!

buenas noches!

The golden key

 This is our house key. Isn't it magical?

 This is our neighborhood.

 This is our baker.

 and our town on one side.

 some windows on another...

 Our balcony view.

 Kenji doing homework.

 Keo with his real Keo face.

 is he half in or is he half out?

 Our garden on any given day, toys, laundry, bikes.

 Kenji pretending to concentrate.

Keo's creation...what does it mean???? He doesn't even talk to girls!

Pretty Picture Post - Salade du marche!

This... above... is what I need to be eating.Working at INSEAD is great, BUT - I eat so so so many croissants, tartine buerres and tartine fromages and sweet palmiers, ..day in and day out ..that I'm going to explode. Let's make a good salade from the marche for Friday? How'bout a Salade avocat, pamplemousse and crabe? ...waiter?

A bit of sugar on our moods

Dear Reader, some days are better than others. I've decided to make all my days a little better than those others. It may not start off or seem like I'm trying but kindly know that WE, our whole family is trying. Trying to get back on top of things, trying to restablize ourselves and our family, back to the way they were. We do have a hold on this situation now, a strong hold, and we are serious abou it.

True...we may have (me more than we.. ) our weak moments here and there where we feel like we are flying off the handle.... and Yes these months have been tough and scary (thank you for understanding me through my difficult times)! But -eh oh! Here we are, all in one piece, managing better than ever!

And with the little bit of magic we have here in our lives in France we are doing just fine. We are back on top of this world and ready to get back to business. We are slowly finding our way back to ourselves and eachother and...it and feels sooooooo good.
--Jean Marc will be the first to testify to this. He is only 2 months out of his surgery and he can walk, sleep in his tummy some and eat pretty much whatever he wants . He is the happiest boy in the world today. You would be so proud of him.

So Yippie for all of us!