Keo the French

Keo-muneco is doing amazingly well in France. He is now practically fluent in French, speaks and reads (a little) and sings constantly in French. Keo has always been a noisy little boy making sounds with his mouth, rattling away, talking nonsense, singing, telling jokes that make no sense, just plain making noise - since he was born. It drives us all crazy how noisy he can be - and now, I have the teacher telling me recently he is doing the same thing at school - making noise with his mouth but in FRENCH! She says he sings in French all the time and that he needs to learn to be a little more quiet. I find it so funny that he is now taking this noisy habit he has and doing it all over again in French. He better learn to buckle down or MaryVon isn't going to be so nice is she Keo???, French school will do him some good. It's strict but loving. And it keeps him busy and interested. Cheeky monkey Keo.

Our kitchen, the forest and JM

A pretty picture post of my kitchen.

Keo in the Fontainebleau Forest sur les roches

Kenji, Liam and Kenji exploring the forest

Famous Fontainebleau Climbing

Famous Amy Climbing

JM really wanting to go the forest ..and then really needing a rest.

--

Tomorrow he goes to his appointment. There they will run tests to see how his liver is doing and other.

Jean Marc Up and Around!

Today is Sunday, JM will be out of the hospital for almost 1 week now with no problems. Yes he is on strong antibiotics but is doing really well. He sees the doctor on Tuesday in Paris to talk about his infection and how he is doing. This weekend we slept a lot, got nothing done in the house, Amy is gone and our lives have turned upside down! :) ...we need some order back and with my mood lately I am not helping this situation one bit. So - up, get on with it Gisa and get your head back on again, and stop being in such a lousy mood! I'm having enough of your moodiness, your sulking, your "head in the laundry basket" attitude.You'r not going to continue to spiral downhill are you? or are you?  no you're not, you have a choice so take the good one, the right one, it is a choice after all. choose the right way out of this mess. Stop your bad habits and start some new ones. Maybe some swimming pool time? Maybe a walk in the evenings if you plan in advance? Maybe some early morning time alone? What about a good nights sleep? yes, a good nights sleep might help.Let's start a list, a list of to do's, let's be more efficient at work to get home earlier, let's take some deep breathes and be more mindful when doing whatever it is I am doing...(that seems like too much right now) what about we start with A LIST, A good nights sleep.
I talked to my mom and Allen tonight (my step dad) that helped a lot....kind understanding voices.
I'm proud of my little sister Stephanie! She got her first internship in NYC! Working for Preston Bailey Designs! Has her apartment in New York and starts Tuesday! What a little sister, way to go dolly.
And my brother Michael, news on his end as well, he is going to be a dad! A baby on the way, due in December I think. Hooray! My siblings are growing up and doing so well. Stephanie and I are 16 years apart...I remember the day she was born, I was napping on my bed and then suddenly woke, ran downstairs and got a call from Allen "you have a little sister!" Stephy-doll...growing up, making it in NYC!
And Mike, a dad! Who would have thought...but maybe this is exactly what he needs in his life, something to ground him a little...a lot!
These are good things. good news, makes me think outside of our own situation, makes me lift my head up and look and see and realize that life is happening and that even though we have to deal with this situation right now we have to be sure to look up and about at the world around us to give us some fresh views, some fresh air, to breathes some air into our little bubble right now.

This week will be better.

So today JM made a BBQ in the backyard. He got all his energy and with Kenji, grilled some merguez and chicken kabobs. He went on make a tabouli salad. I went and bought bread at the bakery (this is all I could do today) We sat in our little back yard and had our first summer BBQ. After eating everyone was so tired we all fell asleep.

I know that JM wants to get better fast, and it frustrates him that his body isn't up for all he wants to do....soon though and in time he will be better, feel better, in time.
I'm happy he is home, happy to see him up and about, it's been a rough few months with lot's of uncertainty and it makes me so happy to see JM dressed, and in front of a BBQ...like the good old days, it makes me sad to know how much pain he has been in though, and how he is now so desperately trying to get back up and on with it. ---There were some moments there that were very scary...so scary and not so long ago. I can't explain the feeling I get when I see JM home again doing something normal. I can't explain it...it's kinda like I tell myself " ...he's here, he is here and he is fine, look, there he is! it's ok., it was only a nightmare.." that kind of feeling...

I have found some new energy this Sunday evening. Let's hope it lasts me all week long.
goodnight.

check-in

Dear me,
I just wrote for 20 minutes and everything got deleted. :( - doesn't that suck...all my words just GONE. ugh...and the effort it took me to even freakin get here.

Just for the record to sum everything up because now I'm tired.

- this space if for to share what i feel, good or bad.
- I write when i feel like it and if others don’t like what i write rhen they must emember that it is what I feel .
- I can't handle much more that is on plate at the moment so please (god?) don't give me anymore than this.
- I'm not feeling really great. I'm feeling inadequate and lousy. and angry a lot of the time.
- I'm happy to have my job it keeps me going. my friends at work are really sweet.
- I'm happy Amy came. Thanks Amy...miss you but happy your home with your familyxoxoxo
- Vanina is really kind...:) Thanks for inviting us over tomorrow for a goutez.xoxoxo
- I miss home but realize  that we are making it here and the kids are striving.
- I'm really confused.
- I realize that Im not as strong or maybe not a great fit for this position (our situation) as someone else may be...and I have to deal with that..and JM and kids too. I just don't have the energy or wanting to be as organized....level headed....super strong as this situation calls for. I'm quite erratic and weak, hopeless and lost a lot of time. I feel sorry for my family that they don't have a mother/wife that is just able to totally take this on. I totally feel like giving up.
- I'm happy to know that above.- now i don't have to try as hard.
- I write on this blog sometimes just for me , others time to update, other times to make some "feel goods"
- I have to be careful what i write because I know this isn't private....so reminder to myself...be careful.
- I wish I could write whatever I wanted to. - maybe start a diary..
- Update on JM!!!: - JM is out of hosp and home. he feels ok but gets stomach aches often. He got a haircut in town and looks very nice. He does not have a lot of energy but is able to be up and about for a few hours.
he wants to eat EVERYTHING. Tonight I made a recipe out of the "sans sel" book, thanks Amy, and made a turkey and rice recipe. It was good...JM was the only one to add salt though...
I miss Amy, but happy she is home with her family, thanks Jim and Liam for letting us have her!
- I may stop writing on my blog because Im losing a lot of energy and ....adrenaline- . It's been a long time now and I don't feel very happy right now.
- This seems like a bumpy time now in our life, the waiting is over, the first MONTH is over, but, it is still very bumpy.- like one of those carts in a minefield...in scoobydoo..
- Ken and Vanessa from Nuvotronics in Blacksburg came to visit JM in the hospital last week! Another troop from Nuvo to see JM!
- I want to give up on this blog now. I want to write what I feel and realize I just CAN't. It's too public and it upsets people. and that makes me upset. and angry. and alone.

maybe Ill go back to my "pretty" picture posts and everything will be ok.

Allez! - off the ground.

Ok. we are all fine, JM is fine, I'm fine.. I needed to get all that crap off my chest the other night. JM is doing lots better. He was tranferred to Paul Brousse where they dealt with the infection. I had him on the phone yesterday and he sounded GREAT. It was a urinary track infection that caused horrible coughing and just wiped him out. He will be home at the weekend. I will try to see him tonight.

I know, and have known that all these downs are part of the "package" of this liver transplant process. I know and expect there to be difficult times, sick times, worrysome times, spitful times. I also know that in a months time, 25 or so days from today we will be in a much better place with JM's health situation. He will be stronger and happier and less fragile. -Anyone got some really good immune system pills they recommend?

Some things I wanted to share: I wondered why I wasn't writing this past month. And now I know WHY!
It is because Amy is here and I feel connected and somewhat satisfied, close to home...no need to reach to cyberspace for some support. She is here and it has totally made a difference. I felt really close to home.
And when I came home that late night and was alone I needed to SCREAM at my blog. I couldn't just run upstairs to Amy, wake her from her sleep and be like "THIS SUCKS!!!!"

Also, this past month has been really great. JM had come home, Amy and Liam were here, I then started my long 2 week programme, it was all kind new, fun, distracting, and very busy, a page turned in this story.

Thank you for reaching out ot me, your voices are heard from this distance, near and far. I get my strength from your support, your pep talks and your ability to empathize with me. merci...

PS - Amy had a birthday yesterday!!!! In France!

no time

I don't know what to say or where to start. These last few weeks have been so crazy. JM came home for good the weekend after Easter. What an event. And then it took some time adjusting again...I don't know how to explain it. Amy and Liam were here. Liam left this morning. We are all very sad., Amy is due back to Blacksburg in about 10 days. How will I survive without her??? I've been busily working on my program that begins too early and ends very late, program ends this Friday finally. Amy has been super mom for all of us. Without her help our whole fort would have blown away.

I've been busy with no time to write, but at the same time just accepting what is happening. It's all happening so fast and then again too slow and then with it's highs and lows. I can't get a hold of it.

Jm has been home for a few weeks now. And I'd love to say it's been GREAT! --but no, it's been quite hard. He is very weak, sleeps a lot and doesn't eat much. Both Amy and i are starting to get concerned.
He felt better last week, even got the eneregy to go with Amy in the car and get out and get Keo from his class! :) - Then he was down a few days after that.

He has been doing ok..but he thinks he is better than he is. He thinks he can eat anything, do anything. Then he just collapses in bed and we don't see him.

This evening I took him to the hosp in Fontainebleau. He had a fever yesterday. Today again, doctors confirmed it was an infection. He is off to PAul Brousse again tomorrow.

I am scared, mad, and bitter right now.

I am so thankful for Amy being here. She's been amazing, totally supporting all of us, her and Liam both.
I don't really know how I'll manage when she is gone. I have to start looking for some help now. I have a number of a lady that is looking to care for kids. I told JM yesterday and again today,,if this continue I'm stopping work and we will just find a way to manage.

I'm feeling mad at my blog too. I don't know why...I'm hating the fact it even started. I hate that it tells a story and now what, I have to finish it? I have to finish this stupid little story about some things that I pretend are great and happy and then again come crying to when I feeling overwhelmed? 

I told JM I was mad at the hospital and the french and everything!!! Even his family. I haven't heard from his family in 4 weeks. No one calls. The only person that calls is his dad in the South and his mom Rosa. I haven't heard from anyone else. I don't care. whatever.

I'm now sorry I got so angry at the hospital tonight. I left so angry. JM is there and now I'm here running to my stupid little blog...........!!!!!!!!!!!