I don't know what to say or where to start. These last few weeks have been so crazy. JM came home for good the weekend after Easter. What an event. And then it took some time adjusting again...I don't know how to explain it. Amy and Liam were here. Liam left this morning. We are all very sad., Amy is due back to Blacksburg in about 10 days. How will I survive without her??? I've been busily working on my program that begins too early and ends very late, program ends this Friday finally. Amy has been super mom for all of us. Without her help our whole fort would have blown away.
I've been busy with no time to write, but at the same time just accepting what is happening. It's all happening so fast and then again too slow and then with it's highs and lows. I can't get a hold of it.
Jm has been home for a few weeks now. And I'd love to say it's been GREAT! --but no, it's been quite hard. He is very weak, sleeps a lot and doesn't eat much. Both Amy and i are starting to get concerned.
He felt better last week, even got the eneregy to go with Amy in the car and get out and get Keo from his class! :) - Then he was down a few days after that.
He has been doing ok..but he thinks he is better than he is. He thinks he can eat anything, do anything. Then he just collapses in bed and we don't see him.
This evening I took him to the hosp in Fontainebleau. He had a fever yesterday. Today again, doctors confirmed it was an infection. He is off to PAul Brousse again tomorrow.
I am scared, mad, and bitter right now.
I am so thankful for Amy being here. She's been amazing, totally supporting all of us, her and Liam both.
I don't really know how I'll manage when she is gone. I have to start looking for some help now. I have a number of a lady that is looking to care for kids. I told JM yesterday and again today,,if this continue I'm stopping work and we will just find a way to manage.
I'm feeling mad at my blog too. I don't know why...I'm hating the fact it even started. I hate that it tells a story and now what, I have to finish it? I have to finish this stupid little story about some things that I pretend are great and happy and then again come crying to when I feeling overwhelmed?
I told JM I was mad at the hospital and the french and everything!!! Even his family. I haven't heard from his family in 4 weeks. No one calls. The only person that calls is his dad in the South and his mom Rosa. I haven't heard from anyone else. I don't care. whatever.
I'm now sorry I got so angry at the hospital tonight. I left so angry. JM is there and now I'm here running to my stupid little blog...........!!!!!!!!!!!
5 comments:
Oh Gisa, je n'aime pas te lire si triste!
et comme je te dis, tu peux aller voir n'importe quel médecin il t' arrêtera avec ce que tu viens de passer...
Bises à vous
je t'appelle dans la matinée
Vanina
Gisa, it's understandable you would be sad and angry. Hang in there! You are being so brave and handling this so great. Just take it a day at a time and remember that you have many, many friends rooting for your entire family.
oh Gisa, I can totally understand you being mad at the whole world right now and not wanting to talk to anyone. I would be exactly the same. I was taking your blog for granted and enjoying getting your daily news and updates.
I can just see JM doing too much too soon. You need to do whatever works for you and will make you happier, either get some help or you stop work.
I wish I could be there to give you a big hug, I will talk to Francois and see if we can visit soon and stay nearby.
Please send me your number so I can call you.
Love you all and miss you.
xxxx
Gisa, you are doing *exactly* what you need too do! PLEASE be sure you use this blog this way (as well as the ways you have already, posting pictures of the kids, JM both at and away from the hospital, his Mom/Rosa ... etc.)
Once you said to me you would only blog about the *nice* things and leave to email all the under-belly rest. I think this is actually preferable. So human!
Hang in there. GGrrrrrhh ...!
I'm with Andrea. Get it out. We'll listen. It's not a story, it's our lifeline to you. It's nice to hear ALL of your emotion and parts of the journey. We miss you and talk about you every day. I can't imagine the strain...but just think the payoff when he is TRULY well again. He will be more well than EVER!!! Much love to you.
-S
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