Day 4 - 10:30pm

I saw JM today again:)))!!! and he was doing much much better. Yesterday - yucky. Today lots better. Reflecting on yesterday, I was so excited to see him going strong, he had a great first day out of surgery, but he was not doing so well yesterday. I can talk about that now since that was yesterday and today is today! So yesterday he was not well. He is being given morphine and that makes him sleepy and a bit sick. His back hurt and he could hardly keep his eyes open. I kept talking to him over the intercom..but his ears fell silent on me. Every once in awhile he would look at me and then doze off. I ended up leaving and without really saying goodbye. It was not really fun or uplifting. It's expected though....he is doing great so far. I guess he had been like that all day since Tina his aunt also said the same thing. There are no doctors to really talk to at this time. See if you can imagine what the set up is like: One very long hallway that makes an oval all the way around, lined with glass. each chamber is marked with a number, there are 20 maybe all together. Visitors are allowed to circle the hallway till the find the room number they are looking for. In my case 9. There is a chair waiting for a visitor but since the windows are kinda high you end up standing up and pulling on the intercome phone piece that is stuck on every window pane wall..The glass reflects so you can't really see in unless you stand with your hand over your eyes. Inside the rooms you have your loved one! He talks and you can here him. It's very faint though. Nurses have a hallway down the middle of this oval to access both sides. Sometimes when I can't get their attention from the window (and that happens way too often) I go to the double doors that enter the middle hallway for nurses and doctors only and I say something like "oh...sorry...I thought this was the bathroom, - um can you please lift the blinds so I can see my husband please?" It helps to have an American accent as then you look twice as lost.
So today, I got the kids at 6 and we headed to Paris to the hospital. Kids are not allowed to come yet, but they did not want to stay home with the babysitter and they really really wanted to come. So we drove there, parked, Keo fell asleep which was great and Kenji read. The boys stayed downstairs entertaining themselves while I hurried up to see JM. Before I ran to his chamber I used the bathroom...bad idea. Well I figured better use it now than when I'm talking to him, so I did and in my hurried mess I ended up dropping the phone in the toilet. The Hospital Toilet! what can be worse? I gasped, looked at my phone laying there and for a split second felt like shouting out for Help!I then realize no one can help me is this situation except myself so I swooped down and pulled it out, ran it under water for .5 of a second realizing that was also a bad idea, wrapped it in paper towels and left it in the sink just watching it. Then I grabbed soap and scrubbed the sides. Then much later I realized I should have probably just taken the battery out instead of scrubbing it with soap! I then had this very parallel thought : The feeling I had when my phone dropped in the toilet is the EXACT same feeling I had Sunday at 3am! The same Help, what now? feeling. And in a split second you realize you just have to move move move! and that is exactly how it happened on sunday night at 3am. we got the call, you take a big gulp and you MOVE FAST. no time for thinking, just move. My phone fell in the toilet and I just had to move before it was too late! Once my phone was wrapped in towels and scrubbed down, I stuck it back in my back pocket, thought how disgusting this was that just happened and realized why I was here at the hospital. Not to cry over my phone....but to see my husband, so forget about the stupid phone and get on with it. And that is again the SAME feeling I had after the call , in the ambulance, that morning - Just forget about the call, forget about the mess and move forward and remember WHY YOU ARE HERE and WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

I can say today was a great visit with JM! He spoke, he moved, he smiled, we talked about the kids, the day, my job, all sorts. Well he pretty much just listened, I talked. His eyes were open, I told him again everyone was rooting for him. After 20 min he got a bit sick again from the morphine and told me I should go. I told him about my phone (20 minutes later) and that's when he said in a faint voice.."take the batteries out"
Seriously - I would be lost without my Jean Marc xoxoxo

all good for today.

Weekend coming up, Sandrine, JM's sisiter is coming to stay with Rosa and we will all get together and visit JM Saturday. Kenji and Keo are excited to see their little cousin Loup again. It'll be great to have some more support. I need a massive nap.
goodnight.

ps- I came home tonight to find my very good friend Vanina had come by while I was gone. She dropped us off a little gift. It was a Macaron box filled with probably 18 different flavored Macorons! It came from the best sweet shop in town. It was such a treat to come  home to such sweetness after a long day. Thank you my Corsican friend. xoxoxo

Day 3. 10pm - Long day

Today I went to work in the morning. Kids stayed with babysitter till 12 (they don't have school on Wednesdays) I picked them at 12:30 went to drop them of at Rosa's house near Paris. Went to visit JM at Paul Brousse hospital. I managed to get there all by myself. Crazy Parisian drivers, crazy roadways and signs. I don't think I have ever driven to Paris. I got there just in the nick of time as there was so much traffic this time around that they almost didn't let me in to see him from the window. He had the blinds down so I picked up the intercome and kinda whispered to him to see if he could here me "jean maaarrrrcccc...". Then I got a nurse who went in the room and lifted the blinds. There he was sleeping like a baby. He woke, he tried to open is eyes...he was very tired. He tried to wave but today he just didn't have the energy. He turned his head a bit as to rest it on the pillow, eyes open, small smile. I told him about my day, about the kids, about the drive, left the part out about my flat tire, about the bank, about this and that, how everyone was thinking of him in the US, in France and England and even in Peru!I told him we were all cheering for him. That I was writing about him, that i was taking pictures of him etc...He just lay his head there and then his eyes got kinda watery and shinny. He didn't have a lot of strength today but it's normal I know. Yesterday he had strength, today the drugs are wearing on him, his back hurts too and he probably just wants to get the hec out of there. Knowing him he's had enough already.

This has been a long week, started Sunday night at 3am. I'm still really tired, It's been like one long day this week.I'm keeping tabs on my emotions, and I see that I have been doing pretty good emotionally, actually great. I mean we attacked this phone call and our plan went into action. I guess now I'm like  "ok...so...that went well...I'm really happy but...can JM come home now?" I guess I didn't anticipate these first few days and how they may be...or maybe even the weeks to come. I guess this may be a good time to do more research on what to expect these next weeks. Yes I am SO happy everything went amazing, I'm just a little worried that I'm feeling lonely so soon!!!! and that I don't like to see JM in this condition one bit! I feel like, "hey, com'on new liver in, out with the old, let's get on with it" I know this is far from true, I think I've just been on a high with little sleep and now I may be coming down, and today wasn't as great as yesterday, maybe it was cause I was alone...maybe it was because Jm was a little sad.

Good news is JM's sister comes this weekend to stay with Rosa so we will plan a huge family visit to the hospital. His aunts, cousins, everyone. I'm going to print pictures out and stick them on the window where I stand so he can turn his head when we are not there and see me and the kids. If you have one you wanna send please do! Hope no one at the hospital will have a problem with this. I can't imagine someone taking down a picture of a family and friends. I'll print out like 30 of the same and bring one every time I come just in case. After my visit I went downstairs and got a sandwich, awful American style tuna sandwich, just awful. Then I glanced through magazines while waiting, but you know, in france you can't do that...the lady kept staring me down like "you gonna buy that or what, put it down or else.." My mood was so sour I just ignored her and kept reading it and thought to myself if she asks me anything I'm just going to say " what? you wanna a piece of me,,com'on put'em up!!"

I finally left, drove back to Rosa's, had tea time with her, got the kids and went home to Fontainebleau. On the way home Kenji got this super huge hunger craving I almost had to stop the car on the highway because he was so hungry and wouldn't stop screaming at Keo. It's crazy...lately when Kenji get's hungry he turns into this hungry monster and I don't even recognize him! I quickly pulled into a french Chinese take out and got stuff to go, gave it to him in the back seat and he just chowed down big time...then he fell asleep. Sheesh! keo and I just looked at each other like "what the?"

 long day...I'm going to bed. First I'll call the hospital, then Im going to bed. sleep tight..sweet dreams.

Day 2 - First full day after surgery. It's 11:15pm

What can I say here....he is my honey, my sweetheart, my strong husband. He kept it going, he held on tight and here he is BACK! All this waiting and now it's done and over and look at him!!!

This is his mama Rosa. I picked her up today and we went. Visiting hours are between 14hr-15hr, She is happy to see him, she is happy to see me going strong too. That's her baby too.

This is where he will be for awhile. Doctors say he will be in Intensive Care for a week or so. We visit him behind the glass, we talk to him through the intercome. He is doing excellent. Nurses say he was "untubed" earlier than most patients. He is breathing on his own now. He woke up earlier than most patients too! He just wants to get out of there :) come home, be with us, continue life. get on with it, put this behind us.

The kids asked about where he was again, Keo did. Kenji asked how long he will be gone. I explained to the surgery again and how papa will be gone for a month. That we can visit him all starting next week. And so it happens that tonight out of all nights Kenji asks for a an email account, a Facebook account, an Ipod Touch, a bike. Where and why? and I felt like calling Jm and telling him, asking him his advice, this is something you talk about as parents...so tomorrow I will tell him. I will ask him what he thinks about that. I guess it's ok. Kenji wants to communicate with the world, you could be his facebook friend! really???Kenji on Facebook? no!!!! my baby! next thing is Keo will ask for a facebook account too!!!

I'm off to bed. Today was long. I need some serious sleep. Will post again tomorrow!!!

11:10pm..way too tired to sleep - or spell.

Why do I write on this blog.. I feel it's a lifeline for me sometimes. i need to sleep, I can't, how can I sleep when JM is awake? How can I sleep when he just woke up and he is coming around to his successful operation? How????? I need to sleep. I need to close my eyes, they hurt so bad right now. 

I'm back on my high though :) JM made it through! Hooray!!!! Hooray for my honey bumby, my love, love of my life, met you 13 years ago! love at first sight, and you knew the whole time we would be married one day. I'm here my love, I'm here with you, waiting till tomorrow to see you.

goodnight my love.

10:15pm- Update from Intensive Care...missing JM already

I know this was coming, I'm so tired, I felt it earlier, like I'm heading for somewhere way to fast, or I was way to high. I've been in a great mood all day long, I've been strong for the boys,and now, now that they are asleep I feel a bit lonlier, missing JM, waiting for him to wake up. I just called the intensive care unit. They said he has all these tubes in but they will take them out in just a few minutes, that he is awake. awake!!! and that he is consious and can understand what is going on around him. I didn't expect that news. When she told me that I cracked....I should be there with him to reassure him, to let him know that he is ok, that we are ok, that he did it and that even though he is in pain now he will be better soon. I don't like it he is alone, I don't like it he doesn't know anyone, I know he must be scared. I miss him so much right now. Im so tired right now. I want to talk to him.
The lady I had on the phone will pass him the message that I called, I told her to tell him that I love him, that the kids are in bed, that we are ok. She will give him the message now. I just can't believe he is awake!!! I can't also believe that I'm not allowed to be there. She says to call in the morning that they will put a phone near his bed and they will hold it up to his ears. I can visit tomorrow from 2-3. I can't wait!!!!
I'm so tired right now. I have to go to bed but I'm going to call again at midnight. The lady said he did excellent, his blood pressure is great, and that he is for the moment doing very very well. He is in a large glass box for infection purposes, and he will be in this glass box for a few days. When I go tomorrow it will only be to see him through the glass, but that is great. And yes I am happy this is happening, I'm just trying to get it all over the fastest possible. Come on JM, come on, keep going, keep getting better my love...

7pm -off the "block" in Intensive Care

JM is now in intensive care. He is done with the operation. He did an amazing job!!! The lady that calls me Katrine told me he was strong, his blood pressure stayed steady. She also told me again what a "good looking" liver he is getting. She told me that this morning at 4am and she told me that again, told me it was pink, that it was tres tres beau (very very beautiful). So now he is out of or off the block as they call it and in intensive care. He will come around at midnight french time, 7pm US. I can call and see how he is in one hour. They say he will be sleeping but that I can get an update. I can call again at 1am and see if he is awake, but I can't talk to him. Tomorrow I drop the kids at school and head to Rosas to pick her up, we will go and change my tire which is FLAT....and then go see JM between 14hr and 15hr. Then I will make it back to Fontainebleau on time to get the boys. Today I picked them up from school, had our goutez...they asked where papa was...I told them , with a really calm and but happy news face that Papa got the call and that he is in surgery :) then I said "isn't that great news!?" they just looked at me and said..."so....do we get to go back to Blacksburg now?" 
I think it helped that I was "happy" this day has come finally. We then left for the park and just got back,  it's 8pm.
Thank you for your red candles. THank you for your thoughts. I feel strong, I know JM wants me to be strong. I know he doesn't want me crying or sad, SO Im not one bit. I am just feeling excited to have this day come and be over and get on the road to recovery. I told Ivan le Pape our situation today..for the first time and he was so sweet and concerned. Then before we left with our baguette he gave me a quiche!
I will write more later tonight. So far so good, JM is resting, he has a new liver! He is fine, he is going to be GREAT!

Half way through

It's 2:30pm here in France. Paul Brousse just phoned. I wasn't expecting a call till 7 this evening. The lady I had on the phone is the same lady I saw this morning at 4am. She called to tell me JM is doing GREAT. She says they are half way through with the operation, that JM's liver has been replaced. That now they are ..hmm, how do I say this in English..? they are making sure his veins and arteries are in place with the new liver. She kept saying all was well, that he was doing great. I am so happy. I feel so far from him here, but he is sleeping right now, fighting to..or maybe better..working with the new organ and getting ready to wake up soon. I will get a call again at 4pm to hear more news. I will get the kids in a couple hours, take them home, talk to them.

Jm's family has been great. They have been very supportive, they call, they want to know if they can come stay with me. Tonight I just need to be with the kids though. I need to come home and be calm with them. I need to be there for them and ready to answer all their questions.

xoxo
gisa

Candles for JM - he is in surgery

Dear someone, everyone,

It is now 10:30am French time. Today we got the call from the hospital at 3am our time, 10pm US time. We were sleeping, phone rang :
"Hello, Madam Rollin?
"yes?"
"...It's time.." 

-yup, that is pretty much what the conversation went like. I think I said something like "what? what now?" and she said something like "...come! now!" We then called an ambulance, we called our on call babysitter Laura, she came in 20 min. We called JM's aunt Tina to ask her to meet us there... Kenji and Keo were sound asleep, Jm kisses them, we leave. We got to the hospital 40 min. later - no traffic on the way to Paris which was great.
So that "not-knowing-when-the-call-will-come" part is OVER. I had all my scenerious set up and ready for take off. And this is how it happens. good. it worked out. We stayed with JM for a few hours while they prepped him. His aunt knew the nurses as she herself had a liver transplant 10 year ago! So everyone was exchanging kisses...
JM was great, funny, sometimes serious, but mostly funny. We hung around and then it was time for him to go off. They said he had to take all his jewlery off, so he gave me his ring. -SAD moment-. JM has always been very adament about never ever ever taking his ring off. He hasn't taken his ring off in 11 years of marriage, ever. So this was quite a moment. Now his ring sits next to my ring on my middle finger. They wheeled JM through the operation door, he waved, I filmed him a bit on my camera, and we said goodbye.
Tina drove me home to Fontainebleau, I arrived at my door at 7:30am, got in, walked upstairs, woke the kids up, got them dressed, had our breakfast and off to school they went. They didn't ask about JM as they thought he was sleeping. Luckily Keo didn't ask to kiss Papa this morning as he does almost every morning...
I went back home and now I am at work. I will leave at 4:15 to get he boys at 4:30. I will then take them home, tell them papa went in for his operation and deal with that. We will have dinner and we will be together. Then I will get a phone call tonight at 7 or 8pm to tell me JM is out of operation and that everything went well. They will then tell me that he won't be consious till midnight and they will tell me to come tomorrow. I will take the day off tomorrow to visit JM while the kids are in school.
Right now all is fine. I'm fine, JM is in surgery. I talked to him mom, she is fine. I talked to my mom, she is fine. Everyone is doing ok.
I will write more tonight after the call.
xoxoxo
gisa

3am -call from Hospital. --JM.

Dear everyone,


JM got the call just now. We are on our way to Paul Brousse hospital in Paris. Please pray for us, please keep JM in your thoughts today. His operation will take place as soon as we arrive. 


gisa

Cheese #1 - Chaussee aux Moines

The First Cheese 

 I'd like to write about it, but not now, what about we taste it for a few days and then write about it?

What about we watch a commercial on it instead?: Chaussee aux Moines

...What I can tell you so far about it:

1. It's Keo's favorite cheese, he wakes up at in the middle of the night to ask for it.

2. It's Mild. It's easy to cut, it's not smelly.
That's all so far, I don't have much of a cheesy vocabulary - YET! :)

Tennis, baguettes and Frenchmen

Kenji started tennis again a few weeks ago.

Keo started too.  JM loves to play with them. I like to watch and take pictures.

After tennis we went to get lunch at the boulangerie and a haircut for Kenji.

This is the Portuguese lady I asked to pose with a baguette.

Warm delicious baguettes!

Handsome dressed up Papa.

A Smiling happy Frenchmen.

Balloon art and a spankings

Kenji went to a balloon art making class over the February break and this is what he made! Now that is something else isn't it? It's a fish, it's got eyes, lips, and a tail! Keo played with it in the bath. Funny little balloon.

Another funny little guy. Today during his bath Keo told me that one of his teachers at school Ecole La Cloche yells a lot. I've heard her too. Teachers in France have all the right in the world to yell and even spank kids believe it or not, and no one says anything! Just like in the old days..So Keo goes on to tell me that MaryVon loses her temper often and spanks some kids on their bottom! I was horrified. I asked him if she ever spanked him and he just said ",,,no...but if she does, I'm going to spank her right back."