Dear Blacksburg, I'm feeling a little under the weather lately. I'm not sick, but I feel sick. I'm not sure exactly what's wrong..but I know something must be wrong when I see I haven't any motivation to post in the last 2 weeks. Told myself I would post once a week, if just to post a pic of something, anything. Here is a pic. I feel like that guy above. Maybe things have really settled down now and it's the first time in months things really feel normal, I'm not so in awe of everything anymore, and that kinda annoys me. Things are feeling a little too normal. Kids are in school, Keo has picked up lots of French, Kenji is doing well in school, doesn't get any homework practically due to his long school day - and his teacher said when at home he should "relax and decompress" also saying that family time is really important and should be stressfree..I found all this really amusing since it was almost exactly the opposite way I felt in Blacksburg sometimes with schoolwork and after-school activities. JM and I went to a doctors appointment, got some results on all his tests from the previous months..maybe that has put me off a bit. I didn't get a chance to send the Christmas cards I wanted to send, so that makes me feel bad. I'm not sure if my mom is coming in Feburary, so I'm already missing her, that made me sad. I lost my phone - it's been a few weeks now and that makes me feel really stupid!!! I have no idea who has called, but then I realize I only know like.. one person here.., so, I guess I must not have that much to miss. My family has my number, but I don't know if they have tried to call. I need to give them my landline number. I need to find my phone.
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I know why I'm sad. It's not that I just remembered why, but it kinda is, it just came to me again like a wall. It is something that is really upsetting and I try to keep it out of my mind,and just now as writing it resurfaced. It's about a very good friend of mine and her family. I won't share details, all I want to say , because I feel like I have to say something since it just came to me like this, is that I'm thinking of her and her family, that I hope she finds the strength somewhere to get through this. This is where my heaviness is coming from. This is why everything is seeming so blue.
They say you should write. They say you should write because things come to the surface when you write. Well it just happened and I see a bit more clearly.. It's not about things seeming normal like I said above, it's not about settling in, or my phone, it's that my friend had a tradegy in her family recently and she is in pain. And I look around at my family and feel sad for her. I look around at the things I complain about, about the big deal I make about things like apt. searching etc and feel so silly. I really have nothing to complain about. Nothing can compare to what she is going through.
Ugh, what a depressing post. Sorry. I really didn't see this coming and then it all comes out.
*I am thankful for my family, my family here and my family in the US. I am thankful we are able to share time together even if it is short or even if it is at the holidays, even if it is over the phone.
I'm thankful that we are all well and getting better. I am thankful to have them to talk to.*
I will post again very soon, get my act together too.
Be safe, have some faith, and whatever you do, don't eat as much chocolate croissants as I am eating lately. I am eating so much. Exercise (in France)? what is that?..... French breakfast? Now I like that..
xoxoxo
gisa
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec painted numerous posters and scenes of night life at the Moulin Rouge. And for a little laugh visit the Moulin Rouge Can Can Dancers from 1902
