Day 4 - 10:30pm

I saw JM today again:)))!!! and he was doing much much better. Yesterday - yucky. Today lots better. Reflecting on yesterday, I was so excited to see him going strong, he had a great first day out of surgery, but he was not doing so well yesterday. I can talk about that now since that was yesterday and today is today! So yesterday he was not well. He is being given morphine and that makes him sleepy and a bit sick. His back hurt and he could hardly keep his eyes open. I kept talking to him over the intercom..but his ears fell silent on me. Every once in awhile he would look at me and then doze off. I ended up leaving and without really saying goodbye. It was not really fun or uplifting. It's expected though....he is doing great so far. I guess he had been like that all day since Tina his aunt also said the same thing. There are no doctors to really talk to at this time. See if you can imagine what the set up is like: One very long hallway that makes an oval all the way around, lined with glass. each chamber is marked with a number, there are 20 maybe all together. Visitors are allowed to circle the hallway till the find the room number they are looking for. In my case 9. There is a chair waiting for a visitor but since the windows are kinda high you end up standing up and pulling on the intercome phone piece that is stuck on every window pane wall..The glass reflects so you can't really see in unless you stand with your hand over your eyes. Inside the rooms you have your loved one! He talks and you can here him. It's very faint though. Nurses have a hallway down the middle of this oval to access both sides. Sometimes when I can't get their attention from the window (and that happens way too often) I go to the double doors that enter the middle hallway for nurses and doctors only and I say something like "oh...sorry...I thought this was the bathroom, - um can you please lift the blinds so I can see my husband please?" It helps to have an American accent as then you look twice as lost.
So today, I got the kids at 6 and we headed to Paris to the hospital. Kids are not allowed to come yet, but they did not want to stay home with the babysitter and they really really wanted to come. So we drove there, parked, Keo fell asleep which was great and Kenji read. The boys stayed downstairs entertaining themselves while I hurried up to see JM. Before I ran to his chamber I used the bathroom...bad idea. Well I figured better use it now than when I'm talking to him, so I did and in my hurried mess I ended up dropping the phone in the toilet. The Hospital Toilet! what can be worse? I gasped, looked at my phone laying there and for a split second felt like shouting out for Help!I then realize no one can help me is this situation except myself so I swooped down and pulled it out, ran it under water for .5 of a second realizing that was also a bad idea, wrapped it in paper towels and left it in the sink just watching it. Then I grabbed soap and scrubbed the sides. Then much later I realized I should have probably just taken the battery out instead of scrubbing it with soap! I then had this very parallel thought : The feeling I had when my phone dropped in the toilet is the EXACT same feeling I had Sunday at 3am! The same Help, what now? feeling. And in a split second you realize you just have to move move move! and that is exactly how it happened on sunday night at 3am. we got the call, you take a big gulp and you MOVE FAST. no time for thinking, just move. My phone fell in the toilet and I just had to move before it was too late! Once my phone was wrapped in towels and scrubbed down, I stuck it back in my back pocket, thought how disgusting this was that just happened and realized why I was here at the hospital. Not to cry over my phone....but to see my husband, so forget about the stupid phone and get on with it. And that is again the SAME feeling I had after the call , in the ambulance, that morning - Just forget about the call, forget about the mess and move forward and remember WHY YOU ARE HERE and WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

I can say today was a great visit with JM! He spoke, he moved, he smiled, we talked about the kids, the day, my job, all sorts. Well he pretty much just listened, I talked. His eyes were open, I told him again everyone was rooting for him. After 20 min he got a bit sick again from the morphine and told me I should go. I told him about my phone (20 minutes later) and that's when he said in a faint voice.."take the batteries out"
Seriously - I would be lost without my Jean Marc xoxoxo

all good for today.

Weekend coming up, Sandrine, JM's sisiter is coming to stay with Rosa and we will all get together and visit JM Saturday. Kenji and Keo are excited to see their little cousin Loup again. It'll be great to have some more support. I need a massive nap.
goodnight.

ps- I came home tonight to find my very good friend Vanina had come by while I was gone. She dropped us off a little gift. It was a Macaron box filled with probably 18 different flavored Macorons! It came from the best sweet shop in town. It was such a treat to come  home to such sweetness after a long day. Thank you my Corsican friend. xoxoxo